Im just tired of it lately. I was diagnosed with major depression. But i always feel like negative things will happen. Like i get ideas in my head and i end up believing them.. I always think my girlfriends going to cheat on me, hurt me. Leave me. I Never understand why she stays with me.. I always take simple things, twist them inside out and then make them something thatll hurt me emotionally. I have over 20 cut scars. Ive had moments where i was slamming my head on the wall wanting to die. my dads somewhat of an alcoholic and its a long story of my life.. Im just afraid of myself, what i could do to myself. everything in life. Ive been with my girlfriend for going on 11 months. I just want to be normal like i was about 7 months ago. Each day it gets worse.. Medicine? I hear it makes it worse or can help, but if im being controlled by medicine and can't fully be myself, why live?.. Im tired of living.. Its so hard to not cut. Every second right now i just want to die, cut. Do something to make it stop. I'm tired of my mind, tired of crying. Tired of it all. I dont want to suffer. I want it to end..