help me please

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by evelyn, Nov 5, 2010.

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  1. evelyn

    evelyn New Member

    Hi my name is evelyn and I feel so so lost alone and ashamed. I have just left my husband after 17years of which the last 7 were blighted by my step daughters heroin addiction. We have been kinship carers to our four lovely grandchildren for the last 3 /2 years but on oct 11th they left us to go live in Spain with their biological granny after I found out my husband had been having an affair with someone 10 years younger than I am while I was at home doing all the work. My ashame comes not from leaving my husband but for leaving my 4 lovely grandchildren who lost their mum through heroin on 19.01.2009 I cannot sleep at nights without feeling guilt that is tearing me apartI feel I cant go on.
  2. boo

    boo Well-Known Member

    How old are your grandchildren? Are you on good term with them? If you feel like you need to move on with your life and they are in good care then you shouldn't feel so guilty.
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and so sorry you are feeling this there any way to be in your grandchildren's lives, although they are not with you? I hope you find some resolution to this...welcome and so glad you shared with us...J
  4. dartofabaris

    dartofabaris Well-Known Member

    Hi evelyn, welcome to the forum,
    I understand you guilt is eating you from within, so i agree with Sadeyes, if there is any way for you to stay in touch with your grandchildren (who might be missing their grandma too) without feeling too uncomfortable, then you should go for it. Dont let other's mistakes and blunders dictate how you ought to feel about yourself. Im sorry you had to go through so much, but dont let other's burdens jeopardise your well-being, you deserve better.
  5. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    Do you feel like the grandchildren are safe and happy with their biological grandma?

    You could call them, maybe visit them.

    You might want to talk to a therapist about having broken up with your husband and the experience of loosing the grandchildren.

    If you wanted to, you might be able to repair your marriage, but you may not want to.

    Would you want to adopt the grandchildren if you could?

    Could you arrange to have them visit you during the summer maybe?
  6. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Hi evelyn...well done for having the courage to leave your marriage when it wasn 't working for you....I'm sorry that the grandchildren have moved but don't blame yourself...
    you did what was best for you under the circumstances...not good for the children to stay with you both in an unhappy marriage...
    the others suggested you visit or how about you have a webcam? can you talk to them via computer?
    the therapy idea is a good one will have a lot of grief to deal with...but you can get through it..
    we're here to help if we can..*hug*
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