Help me please

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by galwhoneedshelp, Nov 17, 2011.

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  1. i have symptoms which i will list - mood fluctuation - severe depression suicide attempts,self harm, anxiety, hypomanic/manic type episodes(hysterical laughing, excessive loud, rapid speech, singing dancing shouting, (manic/hypomanic lasts for hours not days ) severe depersonalisation , feeling out of my body (out of body experiences) and derealisation enviroment looking fake plastic, not recognising family, feeling spaced out ,feeling split from myself, not recognising family all the time, zoning out, feeling 'out of it', racing thoughts, head feeling 'loud', 'psychosis?' - weird beliefs, paranoia, thinking another one of me could walk into the room, voices in my head, head feeling blocked and jumbled and 'empty' sometimes, wanting to kill others at times, feeling 'possessed' and writing notes in my own blood. feeling out to get myself, feeling faint and light headed, ocd, feeling my arms and legs are not attached, terrifed ive got some leison or tumour even though i had an mri scan months ago, Right now im feeling seriously depersonalised, like im typing but I feel so out of myself and detached it doesn’t feel like me talking, my voice sometimes sounds weird, don’t recognise my reflection and that it might get me and climb out of the mirror, feel another one of me could walk into the room im seriously scared and suicidal, can ANYONE shed light on this? Been to a unit and theyre pretty clueless NHS, been private and still not sure, I need help now as I think I might kill myself tonight icant stand it. feel blocked from enviroment and like i dont fit with people anymore, dont even want to wash for some reason or get out of bed, feel despairing I feel there is no help no way out, feel like im going to pass out any second, weird sensations in my head cotton wool ish or empty or full of water, i cant take not recognising my mum properly and family and everyone looking 'weird' and controlled by some outside force. I am starting to think of another one of everyone, like my uncles here with me,and another one of him but a nasty murderous one could come in. might of missed something but i think ive sed most of it, I cant take this.Im 16 but i think suicide is the only option and no one seems to sympathise with some of my weird symptoms.Can ANyone help me? Please, i beg of you *crying*
  2. when i say zone out i mean stare into space and feel spaced out and cant think fro like minutes sometimes seconds. the depersonalisation is killing me
  3. Prophet

    Prophet Well-Known Member

    Hi there,

    Thanks for posting here. That shows you would like some help and I certainly hope you don't kill yourself tonight.

    To put it bluntly, you seem to have alot going on. It seems strange that the health services had no idea what to do, I could think of several theories for each thing you've mentioned.

    Have you tried any of the mental health charities? Stick around the forum for a while, hopefully some more people will come by and help out.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You go into your doctor write down all the symptoms you are having and ask him to help you He will send you to a psychiatrist to be evaluated or better yet go to emergency and talk to pdoc there who will assess what you need to help you right away. hugs
  5. Jungle420

    Jungle420 Banned Member

    You actually sound a lot like me, I have many of those symptoms. Its odd that I see a post mentioning you feel possessed because I was just thinking earlier I wonder if someone has posted about feeling that, reason being I feel that could be the case with me as far out as it sounds because my bedroom is definetely haunted, and I zone out so often in there. sometimes for very long periods of time and im not consciously knowing im doing it. Im talking hours, not necessarily the same spot but i snap out of it and go back in over and over.. its really scary to be in awareness of this happening yet not being able to have any control over it. I had a psychotic episode last year and now I feel I am going back to it because I am having symptoms, I think it could all stem from being really creative and sensitive yet trapped alone as an agoraphobic, I dont have any outlet or anything to base reality on, I live in my own head not talking to anyone because I dont have anyone to talk with, and i have no job so i have nothing to leave the house for. Sometimes i will not leave the house for weeks on end at all. Im just lost in a panic about now and the future. crazy, sometimes delusional sometimes ingenious thoughts about anything and everything enter my head every minute of the day until i reach mental exhaustion and then its painful to think of anything. I sometimes hallucinate to because i think thats my brain creating stimulation since being alone constantly is so depriving. I have not described things very well here at all i feel, but i really relate to everything you have wrote,I live in a vicious cycle of behaviour and fucked up thought whilst being pretty much completely devoid of any integration in society.

    How long have you felt like this? is it just recent or has it been progressive? and are you stuck in a rut or at least what do you think is causing this? Im just interested because I relate to it alot, I also feel very desperate yet i find it very hard to describe what is going on because there is so much, and i forget what has happened all the time, and all the ideas, conceptions etc. that run through my head. I feel more suicidal and disorientated today than for a long time that's all i thought about most mornings for the last few month. I pray you are still around though because you are not alone. I found that doctors, therapists and psychologists cant work me out, I hope though you can find help in some way. Personally i would not recommend anti psychotic drugs, I mean don't take my opinion first hand but they made me worse. I wish you all the best

  6. thanksfor everyones answeers, stuff is getting hard tohandle, sorry to hear that jungle which medications have you tried and has anythingworked for you? im hoping theres a way out, it started withsevere depression and has spiralled since being on Sertraline,Citalopram, Prozac and Mirtazapine which none worked, i was sertraline 5 monthsthen citalopram for five days then stopped and got discontiuiation syndrome then prozac which made me have manic things then mirtazapine and i wanted to kill people and i only too it for aday, then mirtazapine again which made me up and down then sertraline again which did more extreme highs and lows and since coming off that everything has been alot lot worse and the stuff i have listed has escalated to a whole new level the dissociation is unbearable, i tried to throw myself under a car today on the way to the docs, and now my mum is even more stressed and i feel bad but i cant help it cus this is not me and what i say isnt me and none of mythoughts / voices / beliefs are me. i hope more people comment and say maybe what they think is wrong be4 its to late
  7. this depersonalisation is becoming unbearable, feel like im almost coming out of myself, then i feel a bit like two people, its so strange i HATE i wish someone couldhelp me but i dont think any one understands all my complex symptoms
  8. Jungle420

    Jungle420 Banned Member

    Hey I hope you are doing better. I truly understand what you are saying, because i am going through and have been through quite similar . I know that doctors usually wont have a clue and will at least refer you to a therapist or counselling. I found my therapists are pretty much useless they haven't helped me at all but i think I've just been unlucky because the therapists in this area just suck and don't understand anything. I can actually evaluate my own problems better than they can.

    As for anti depressants I haven't tried a whole load often just a few over the years because I was against the idea of going down that route in the first place. Anyway I did though try fluoxetine which gave me a sort of chemical felt happiness and it just didn't feel right, I tried a few others that i cant rememberer the name of, I am now on citralopram which has been horrible, I got nothing but side effects, and now after they have subdued I feel nothing different, been on them a month.

    I did say I have many of the symptoms that you have listed. I am particularly feeling the depersonalisation today. I think it is the way I am living the stress and exhaustion from being stuck inside my own head rather than having anyone to talk to everyday that is making me feel this. How are you living? If I had adequate social life and felt grounded and stable and perhaps had a job and things to look forward to like the possibility of moving out and having places to go because i have new found friends and money etc..stuff like that I think would halt any of these fucked up symptoms. This is why i asked if you felt unhappy about your life aside form the symptoms you are experiencing, because I feel this is the key reason to why I am going through so much. I wish I could take a holiday or find new surroundings.

    I know what you mean by the depersonalisation too. its scary I feel like its not me typing sometimes when i am seeing myself type, but i am simply in awareness of myself doing that. It does feel like I am viewing my bodily actions almost remotely like i am floating slightly above where i am sitting. Also when I speak i feel my voice is projected completely differently to how I had it in my head, I sound different and i end up saying things I don't mean to. Perhaps if you find it difficult to explain to your doctor or therapist what is going on then you can show him what you wrote. I am actually thinking of doing that myself in the hope ill get some professional help from someone who actually knows what they are talking about.

    How are you doing now? are you seeing a therapist or receiving any form of support? I wish you well, remember you are not alone with these issues.
  9. Cpt-Fantastic

    Cpt-Fantastic Banned Member

    hey, i just missed you but it seems like you are bipolar and when you get antidepressants bipolar people can become manic. and if you are too manic your brain can 'overheat' and you can become psychotic. i think that is what has happened to you for as far as i can see from just a topic ofcourse. but you need to contact your psychiater and inform him of the symptoms you have and if he doesnt act upon it tell him about what i just wrote and ask for lithium and something to get that psychosis alleviated. if you are struggling dont hesitate to contact me or the forum
  10. thanks for everyones answers, im just really tired of fighting this now and getting more desperate i just want to stay in bed although i had a bit of mania earlier. i just cant take this out of bodyness and depersonalisation; to put it bluntly its all unbearable which im sure you guys no. im hoping to speak to the psychiatrist tommorow, thanks for everyones support. i just feel myself looking more towards suicide as although there could be a way out you cat see it when its this bad, thanks again for ur replys tho it really means alot
  11. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Talk to your doctor about abilify or geodon.They are for irrational thoughts..Also ask him about prolixin for the voices.. I hope he will put you on them and they work for you..Anytime you are feeling really down you need to go to the ER or A&E..Take Care!!
  12. Jungle420

    Jungle420 Banned Member

    Either way you need professional help. I hope you get something sorted soon. I wish you luck
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