Help me to be more Supportive

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Getshemene, Jul 15, 2009.

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  1. Getshemene

    Getshemene New Member

    I'm asking for help to be more open minded and supportive of a friend of mine. My friend has recently become suicidal, and not for the first time. I am supportive of her, and try to help and make her feel better when I can, but part of me thinks that she is weak, and should be able to get past this. I was suicidal many years ago, although not as depressed as she is, and have managed to get past it. I think this is part of the reason that I think she should be able to get better too. I realize this is irrational and at best, completely unhelpful, at worst judgmental, mean, hurtful, and stupid. I feel like I've lost some respect for her because of this, and I hate feeling like that. Can anyone help explain how they lost their prejudices about people that were suicidal, or direct me to resources that can? Rationally I know that when someone is depressed and suicidal they don't see the world in the same way, and it's not fair for me to expect them too, that they're still people, just going through a dark time, and need our love and compassion. So how do I get rid of these unwanted feelings of judgment?
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Wow what a kind heart that you have to want to understand and be of help to your friend.

    I see where you are struggling inside as you yourself battled your suicidal period and are inclined to feel your friend should be able to do the same but....they can't and rather than just dismiss the matter and walk away with judgment you are seeking a way that makes sense of your success and their faltering and allows you to have respect for you friend despite still struggling.

    The very fact that you are questioning yourself for harboring judgment leads me to believe you are not so judgmental afterall.

    I am not sure if you are looking for someone to offer a different perspective or a referral to a therapist, book or something like that. Please let me know (preferably via PM) as I can offer a few thing in both areas but just need a few more details.

    Again I think you are incredibly kind
    Take care and hope to hear from you B
  3. ashes_away

    ashes_away Well-Known Member

    maybe you just need someone to lean on yourself while you are being the shoulder she leans on.I've heard of something called compassion fatigue.It reminds me of what care givers go through..or even parents.You cannot be there for others if you do not have someone and somewhere to go and lean on yourself.That is all I know.You need to "get it off your chest..." these feelings...and get a little comfort yourself.And I agree with the previous are a very compassionate person ..don't feel bad for needing an outlet yourself.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I think the best thing you can do for your friend is to get her the professional support she needs.. Get her to talk with a councillor her doctor anyone that she can open up with.. If indeed she is suicidal then i would call a crisis line and tell them about your friend they can give you the support you need to help your friend You are very compassionate but this may be to hard for you to handle by yourself if you are concerned call crisis line and get your friend to see professional help is needed. take care
  5. Mikeintx

    Mikeintx Well-Known Member

    At times it can be easy to think that suicidal people are weak... just suck it, brush it off everyone goes through bad spells, etc and so forth are common thoughts, but the fact is most of the time you have no idea what that person has been through. Unimaginable physical/psychological/sexual abuse, death of love ones, traumatic experiences, or just plain old chemical imbalances can keep people from not being able to cope properly with life. So they become suicidal. It can happen to anyone under the right circumstances, just many people have not gone through those circumstances. Reading some peoples stories, trying to put yourself in their shoes, and truly listening are the only ways I can think of to get rid of the notion that these people are weak.
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