Help Me...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by pisces1, Dec 27, 2013.

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  1. pisces1

    pisces1 Well-Known Member

    Not doing so well right now. Really scared because i dont know how much more of this pain i can take . I am hurting for so many reasons. I am so alone and have no one to talk to or turn to for help. I cant do this by myself anymore, just need someone to help me.
     
  2. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    Pisces1, so sorry you're not feeling that great. However, I think you will find some help, or at least ideas on how you can cope with your pain. There's plenty of people here ready and willing to talk to you. You are not going to be alone here. I encourage you to utilize this site as much as you can and you can process how you're feeling. I'm not sure what your situation is, but as you feel more comfortable, maybe you can reveal more about yourself. I'm not sure what to say yet, but I'm here for a start...
     
  3. pisces1

    pisces1 Well-Known Member

    i just dont want to be alive anymore. my husband is abusive and controls everything. I have no way to leave. Domestic Violence center wont help me because of suicide attempt 5 months ago. I have no one to help me. The pain i feel is unbearable . I have kids and i dont want to hurt them but i am no good to them anymore because i am such a mess. Dont know what to do.
     
  4. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    I hope you will get some ideas on how to get help for domestic violence other than the one you said won't help you. I don't see why a suicide attempt would cause you to be denied. I thought it would be more a reason to get help. Your kids still need you regardless of how you feel and are going through right now. I'm sure someone here can give you some hope to lessen your pain.
     
  5. pisces1

    pisces1 Well-Known Member

    thank you for listening.. i dont think anyone wants to help me...Goodbye
     
  6. MessengerFromHell

    MessengerFromHell Well-Known Member

    Talk to us. We are here for you. It's indeed a difficult time for you.
     
  7. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    pisces, what country do you live in?
     
  8. pisces1

    pisces1 Well-Known Member

    In the US. Things are just getting worse and I see no end to all of this. I am ok at the moment but I do not know how many more nights like last night I can take. I have tried everthing I know to get help to get out of this awful situation. I just dont have anyone to turn to . I dont want to die but I csn live like a prisoner anymore.
     
  9. pisces1

    pisces1 Well-Known Member

    This is how things go. Turn up the volume, scare the shit out of me, threaten me, hurt me, make it impossible for me to leave the house for a week, scare me into submission. My head tells me nothing is wrong, I dont feel anything anymore, all is right in the world. He wins. Then he dose something nice for me to make me think I am the wrong one. Crazy shit this stuff is.
     
  10. pisces1

    pisces1 Well-Known Member

    In retun I do everything I can to be a good little wife for the prize I got. I cannot admit to myself how cruel he is, how he treats me like I am not a human being. If I did I would every emotion I have denied myself from feeling all this time would hit me like a ton of bricks and kill me on the spot. All I can do is try to surive, I dont know how to do anything else anymore. My life is already been taken from me. The person I was is gone forever.
     
  11. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Pisces... I was in your situation once. I understand what you have typed completely, but the person you are is there, just hidden. As you can get online here, go to www.rainn.org and and then click on the online hotline. Please talk with them, please. They may offer other options plus they will make sure you are safe online (deleting your history etc,) too.
     
  12. pisces1

    pisces1 Well-Known Member

    I had a nightmare two nights ago. I was locked up in a mental instution and I was being bitten by a bat. Even in my dreams I am being hurt and locked up .I felt the bat bite me, it felt real, I felt the pain in my sleep. I try to think of something nice before I go to sleep, a nice warm happy safe place, somewere far away from here. I cannot even escape this monster in my sleep. :(
     
  13. pisces1

    pisces1 Well-Known Member

    My only option is to be homeless with my child. Because of emotional issues I would surely loose my child. I am not ok. I am so freaking messed up . He has made all my decisions for me for so long I cannot make any for myself anymore. I feel paralyzed. Most womens shelters would not take someone who is so emotionally unwell. I know this for a fact, have been turned away from one because they dont have staff trained to care for someone like me. I have tried really freaking hard to find help. There is none !
     
  14. pisces1

    pisces1 Well-Known Member

    I just want to die.
     
  15. pisces1

    pisces1 Well-Known Member

    I grew up being abused in every way possible. 46 years of abuse. I think I have earned the right to leave this horrible life I have had .
     
  16. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Pisces, I do understand. The people at rainn are helpful, please just talk to them tonight. It's easier to do things online than try to use a phone and just be honest with them and see what options they come up with. You can also try www.crisischat.org but they aren't online 24/7, or if you can use a phone, contact them at 1800 273 TALK. Also, because this forum has members from all different time zones, sometimes it may take a while for a response, but generally there are people in chat here if you'd rather that. Please take care of you, that is most important, and please reach out to rainn.
     
  17. pisces1

    pisces1 Well-Known Member

    Im sorry. I wont post this stuff on here anymore.
     
  18. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    You have nothing to be sorry for and you post as much as you'd like, that's why the forum is here. I'm just concerned for your safety, it is so very hard to reach out to others for help. Please try, you do not deserve to be living this way.
     
  19. pisces1

    pisces1 Well-Known Member

    I have tried very, very hard to get help for myself in so many ways. I called a domestic abuse shelter, they said because I did not have bruises or any proof my husband raped me they could not help me. They said they did not think my life was in danger and the only helped women who are physically being beaten. They did not believe me. I tried to kill myself that night. The hospital decided I was just abusing meds so they put me in a unit with drug abusers. I told them freaking everything he did to me. They called abuse shelter the third day I was there, wanted to get rid of me. The abuse shelter said they could not take me because I tried to commit suicide. How fucked up is that. They said my only other option was the homeless shelter down town with all the bums. Seven days of being forced to go to na, aa, and group meetings for drug abuse. I was discharge. Went home to hubby.
     
  20. pisces1

    pisces1 Well-Known Member

    I went to a free mental health clinic 2 weeks later. Still trying to help myself after the way the hospital treated me, still trying. Clinic gave me a case worker. 4 weeks and she could not find any help for me. Diagnosed with complex ptsd, major depressive disorder and other stuff. This was all 5 months ago. I also have an neurological disease there is no cure for. I have no freaking car. DO YOU SEE WHY I WANT AND DESERVE TO FREAKING DIE. I HAVE NO ONE. NO FAMILY. NO FRIENDS. NOTHING. NO ONE WILL HELP ME. END OF STORY.
     
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