Help me

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by asvt, Jan 7, 2007.

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  1. asvt

    asvt Well-Known Member

    I recently turned 18 and spent my birthday alone in my room. I am just so depressed with life I dropped out of school because the teachers wouldn't help me and I fell behind. It wasn't like I didn't try I was there during any free time I had to try and do the work but they just wouldn't help me. I have no friends, I don't ever leave the house unless it's to do weight training or to work at tesco 3 nights which I absolutely hate every time I am down there feels like an eternity even though my shifts are only 4hrs 15mins long I just don't know how some people can stand working there for like 10hr shifts everyday. I never talk to anyone down there and no one talks to me it's like I am invisible. All I do is watch films, use my PS2 and play internet games all day just to pass the time. Whats worse is that when I finally built up the courage to tell my mum that I wanted to die she said "Don't do that I've got enough problems as it is and anyway if anyone should be commiting suicide it should be me with all the problems I've got" and that was the end of our conversation. I couldn't believe it her son tells her that he wants to die and all she does is make the conversation about herself like she always does. I can't tell my dad because he'll just shout at me for feeling this way. I am always angry with the way my life is just to suppress it I punch walls until my knuckles begin to bleed and recently I have started cutting my upper arm with a razor blade. I know that I need help and have started talking to a therapist and in the last nearly 4 months I have had only 3 sessions with her which haven't help one bit. My life has no future or meaning and all I can think about is killing myself what am I to do?
     
  2. Shauna Lea

    Shauna Lea Staff Alumni

    Im sorry to hear that ur in so much pain at the moment.
    I know that u dont feel like going out and doing things right now, I know that all u want to do is sit at home so no1 else can hurt u. I kno this cause i've been there and still have to deal wit that problem. But what i've learnt is that sitting at home and dwelling on things is just going to prolong the agony. Force urself to get out of the house, try to keep urself busy. Visit new places, make new friends...anything to take ur mind off the pain that ur feeling.
    Im happy that ur seeing a therapist...but keep inmind they cant help u over nite and they definantly cant help u on their own. In the end YOU have to make the decision to lead a better life. They place out the stepping stones for u, but u r the one who has to b brave and step out onto them...if u take that chance, trust in ur self and most importantly b patient, u can get through this and b a better person for it in the end.
    In terms of ur family, what ur mum said was definatly wrong, but maybe just try and understand how difficult it is for her to see her son in pain. Im sure ur mum and dad love u very much, sometimes its just hard for people to understand depression.
    I hope ive been able to help a bit and i realy hope that u start to feel better soon!
    Best wishes!
     
  3. AngelDust

    AngelDust Member

    I'm so proud, I never asked for help from teachers.
    All my teachers told me I could have done better.
    I know I could have.
    I finally started asking for help....

    And I immediately felt better....

    You've come to the right place though....
    Everyone, I'm sure, has felt the same way as you.
     
  4. asvt

    asvt Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the replies but to say go to new places and make new friends is easier said than done there is no where really to go in the town I live and all the people around here are jerks. One time I was walking home at night from the gym and these 3 boys tryed to push me in front of a moving car and then punched me in the stomach. I didn't even know these people but I acted like the stronger person and walked away like most people say to do, which is complete bullshit. All I keep wishing is that I could go back to that moment and kill the bastards. And on several occasions while riding my bike through town a group of people started to chase me and throw chips at me another time with different people they threw eggs at me I just wish I could go back and kill the lot of them. But what is it about me that compells people to make me the target?
     
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