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Help Me

Always Hopeless

Well-Known Member
#1
Advice, ideas or opinions please.

I feel very bad. I do always think the worst and I'm very pessimistic. Things might turn out ok and I may be worried for nothing. But, with the way things go in my life, it's likely to be bad.

This one has to do with work. It's too long and traumatic for me to go into the details of my history, but I have written a little about it which can be found in my post history. Briefly, I'll say that I've been a victim of workplace bullying for the past few years at every job I've had.

My current job is no exception. There is a clique of women who go out of their way to cause drama and grief for everyone who doesn't go along with their petty shit. Imagine a bunch of mean high school girls, but adult age.

I have a performance review with the manager this week and I'm worried that she will upset me again and put me into a crisis. My work has been excellent - above and beyond. Everyone outside of this clique says so. I get a lot of praise and complements from those who are not a part of this bullying gang. There's nothing the manager can pull out of her ass to say that I've done anything wrong.

However, in my life, I've been treated badly countless times and they've all gotten away with it - even when they make up lies without proof.

I don't care so much about losing this job. If they fire me unfairly I can collect unemployment benefits (which are higher now because of the virus), I was going to quit in a few months anyway, I desperately want these people out of my life and they seem to need me more than I need this job.

I'm just worried about being pushed into a crisis. I'm already on the edge everyday.
 
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#2
Sorry that this is happening.

Do you work for a big company? If so, you might be able to transfer to a different branch.

Dealing with coworkers is often the most difficult part of a job.
 

Always Hopeless

Well-Known Member
#5
Is there a different job within the school that you could do instead that might put you in a better environment?
I'm no longer interested in working in education. The next set of jobs I apply for will be in something completely different. Plus, these women are too much a part of the school to get away from.
 

Always Hopeless

Well-Known Member
#7
Is there a different job within the school that you could do instead that might put you in a better environment?
It's not other jobs I care about right now. Everywhere I go I will be bullied and hate my job.

What I need help with is how not to be in a crisis after this review.
 

Always Hopeless

Well-Known Member
#9
Do you want to say more about how the review might cause a crisis?
It will remind me of the bullying I've endured at my past jobs. I've done nothing wrong, but they decide they don't like me as a person and come up with some flimsy excuse for firing me. For example, "We decided to go in another direction."

It's the baseless insults and negative critique. They don't have any proof, of course, because my work has been more than what they compensate me for. It's also the hypocrisy as I do have documented proof of their bad behavior towards me. I'll become enraged when I'm insulted for no reason. I'm their punching bag.

The last time she had a talk like this with me I had a break down, went through derealization, had flashbacks and hallucinations for a few days.
 
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Waves

Well-Known Member
#10
Always Hopeless is right unfortunately. I have seen and been a victim of same behavior at work and from supervisors. It is naive to think it is all on Hopeless. Employers are rewarded for revenues not for being supportive. When I look back I saw the same in the 60s with my father and his cohorts. The term dog eat dog world originated long ago for a reason and survives. Have you ever heard the phrase. . . Man sacrifices for man? That is Not the way of the world. So Hopeless is facing the real world and it is not just her/him. I think we need to stop putting the onus and blame on the victim to change their attitude and change their job etc because it is the same at most places and with most people. I think we need to change society. But is that possible? Civil rights movement was to change society to be more inclusive and accepting. 60 years later and after some improvements we have problems again. Can people not be supportive and inclusive and accepting? Is it hard wired? If not hard wired then why so intractable?
 

Always Hopeless

Well-Known Member
#11
I think we need to stop putting the onus and blame on the victim to change their attitude and change their job etc because it is the same at most places and with most people. I think we need to change society. But is that possible? Civil rights movement was to change society to be more inclusive and accepting. 60 years later and after some improvements we have problems again. Can people not be supportive and inclusive and accepting? Is it hard wired? If not hard wired then why so intractable?
That is exactly true. Everyone always says just get another job. It's the first thing everyone says. As if it's my fault. As if I've done something wrong. I'm always the one who has to go through the stress and work of having to find another job while the bullies get away with everything and get to keep what they have. Just another version of turning a blind eye and everyone accepts it as normal.
 
#12
I think we need to stop putting the onus and blame on the victim to change their attitude and change their job etc because it is the same at most places and with most people. I think we need to change society.
I guess in an ideal world, how you interact with coworkers wouldn't matter. The reality though is that it has an effect on how they react to you.

Changing the world is tough, maybe even impossible. Changes within one's self are things that one can control though, to a much greater degree. There are some jobs that don't require much social contact, and you're evaluated primarily on your work.

This is really not about placing blame, but rather acknowledging that a realistic plan for making things better may be the only path to making things better.
 

Waves

Well-Known Member
#14
Conclusion is . . . Learn how to survive in a dog eat dog world. That might also include getting burned out and having a breakdown. That said, I think we do need to change the world. Expecting people to accept the uncontrollable and cope with it is like telling someone to cope with abuse. Why not stop abuse in workplace and families?
 

Always Hopeless

Well-Known Member
#15
I guess in an ideal world, how you interact with coworkers wouldn't matter. The reality though is that it has an effect on how they react to you.

Changing the world is tough, maybe even impossible. Changes within one's self are things that one can control though, to a much greater degree. There are some jobs that don't require much social contact, and you're evaluated primarily on your work.

This is really not about placing blame, but rather acknowledging that a realistic plan for making things better may be the only path to making things better.
So what do I do when they bully me?
 

Always Hopeless

Well-Known Member
#17
Conclusion is . . . Learn how to survive in a dog eat dog world. That might also include getting burned out and having a breakdown. That said, I think we do need to change the world. Expecting people to accept the uncontrollable and cope with it is like telling someone to cope with abuse. Why not stop abuse in workplace and families?
I agree but it will never change because that's the way most people are and they don't care. Nobody cares until it happens to them.
 

Nick

☆☆Admin-tastic ☆☆
Admin
SF Social Media
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SF Supporter
#19
Hi @Always Hopeless
I've been in the position of being bullied by co-workers. Wasn't just my co-workers it was also my HR admin leading the pack, so that sort of left me out of options. I won a few battles, because she tried to do things that were flat out illegal and the legal team stepped in. Most of what was going on there wasn't much I could about. It feels so incredibly demoralizing to be put in that position day after day. I can understand feeling like one more thing, like a review that doesn't go well, might send you into a crisis.

This is what I would do for myself to prepare in case the review goes badly. Let people know, like you're doing here now. If you have a friend you can talk to, let them know, so they can check on you. Plan something to do after work that day. Even if it's just a particular movie you are going to watch, and something you're going to pick up for dinner. It's that having something to do, a plan for something to do, instead of nothing but to curl up in a corner. Whatever things help you calm the best, try to have those ready and available. It all sounds a bit much, but that these are things that have helped me in the past.
 

Always Hopeless

Well-Known Member
#20
Hi @Always Hopeless
I've been in the position of being bullied by co-workers. Wasn't just my co-workers it was also my HR admin leading the pack, so that sort of left me out of options. I won a few battles, because she tried to do things that were flat out illegal and the legal team stepped in. Most of what was going on there wasn't much I could about. It feels so incredibly demoralizing to be put in that position day after day. I can understand feeling like one more thing, like a review that doesn't go well, might send you into a crisis.

This is what I would do for myself to prepare in case the review goes badly. Let people know, like you're doing here now. If you have a friend you can talk to, let them know, so they can check on you. Plan something to do after work that day. Even if it's just a particular movie you are going to watch, and something you're going to pick up for dinner. It's that having something to do, a plan for something to do, instead of nothing but to curl up in a corner. Whatever things help you calm the best, try to have those ready and available. It all sounds a bit much, but that these are things that have helped me in the past.
That was very helpful. Thank you for replying. HR has always supported the bullying co-workers in the past, so I know not to ever trust HR.

Yes, it's very demoralizing day after day and is likely to put me into a crisis because it's on top of all the other traumas and suffering I'm going through. Thanks for understanding and sharing your past.

I'll take your advice.
 

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