help me

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lfdy, Dec 30, 2007.

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  1. lfdy

    lfdy Active Member

    help me, i am so fucking wasted, i have drunk too much again. i am going through a messy divorce, have 4 kids, met a wonderful man but he is with his ex at the moment. i cant cope. my ex is turning my kids against me. i want to die tonight. i am too old for this shit. help me hang on for my kids. i cant stop crying. i am crashing again.
     
  2. Nocturnal Ponderer

    Nocturnal Ponderer Well-Known Member

    A good place to start right now, right this minute, is a cup of black coffee and a couple of rounds of nearly burnt dry toast. That helps sober you up a little.
    Remember, alcohol NEVER cures anything. It merely masks your problem so it can expose itself tomorrow instead.

    Why is your new man with his ex? That would be my first question.
     
  3. brokensoul98

    brokensoul98 Well-Known Member

    been there done that hun..not such a wonderful man. if hes cheating on his wife, what does that tell you? he will cheat on you. stop that damn drinking! where is that getting you? your mind is playing mind tricks on you. your not thinking clearly. straighten your life out for you and your kids. your special someone is out there waiting for you. that someone is not looking at a girl wasted, but a woman with confidence and feeling good about herself. your children need you. you need you. be good to yourself and your kids. you don't need a cheater. if he cheats on his wife, he will cheat on you.. i know. give yourself time. don't rush into one relationship to another. give yourself time. your special someone is there.
     
  4. lfdy

    lfdy Active Member

    he was in prison for a long time and lost all of his youth, he married a much older woman who died of a brain tumour, then had a relationship with a woman for 4 years, they only broke up in the summer but stay friends. how the fuck can i tell him not to see her and be free to do what he wants when he was locked up for so many years. i love him so much but i have go give him is freedom. it is so hard.
     
  5. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

    It's perfectly OK to have a feeling of wanting to give up as long as it remains just a feeling until you can safely deal with that feeling and explore the root cause of your hurt, perhaps with counselling; it's a feeling which hopefully will fade when you are sober, the thing is to reassess your feelings when you can think more clearly.
     
  6. lfdy

    lfdy Active Member

    i have had this feeling for so long. i have been in an abusive marriage for 19 years, i have been suicidal for 11. it is only a matter of time. i havent felt so low in a long time. the prozac doesnt work anymore. i want to end it all. i cant cope. its not just a feeling. it is a reality. i am so fucking tired of this shit. my mind is tired. i have had enough. but it has been nice talking to someone. it is so nice to know someone cares enough to reply. thank you. x
     
  7. Nocturnal Ponderer

    Nocturnal Ponderer Well-Known Member


    You're right. You cannot dictate to him as he was locked up for all those years.
    The only real thing you can do, and it will be hard, is to make a decision. The choices are

    1) Stay with him. This will inevitably lead to much angst within you. Can you/do you trust him? What does he tell you he has been doing when he is with her?

    Last year, and the year before, I lived with my very first girlfriend from nine years ago. I lived with her and her fiance. During this time I had a few girlfriends, who knew of this (obviously, they visitied me etc). I certainly wasn't engaging in any behaviour that I shouldn't have been with my ex. She just happened to be a friend who, realistically, was only getting money out of me on a weekly basis. No romance, nothing. Before I lived with her and her fiance, we stayed friends and saw each other regulary. Nothing ever happened during these times. Ever.

    So, the reason I am telling you this story is to point out that your boyfriend may not necessarily be getting up to no good. This is for your judgement to work out. What do your gut instincts tell you? They are ALWAYS right.

    2) You can leave him. This will inevitably cause you pain, but it will eventually leave you more peaceful, after an initial period of grief for the loss of the relationship.

    Either choice is going to cause you pain unfortunately, but the question is, which will cause less? Which is for the best?
    I know its a horrible situation, and I have been in several similar situations. We all have, but every negative has a positive of equal measure.

    EDIT: Can I also say, what effect could your suicide have upon your four children? What effect would it have had on you if you had had a parent commit suicide? I know one or two people whos parents tried (without success) to do this and I firmly believe it is the cause for much of their pain today, and they're adults now. This has happened amongs my own family. Please consider your children. They would NEVER get over it. You would shatter their lives and deprive them of security which is so needed at a young age.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 30, 2007
  8. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

    Of course we care! xx

    It's sounds as though you have been through the mill with it all. We are pleased you have taken the time to post here.

    PS I have heard so many times of prozac not being effective in the long run it's you who has to do the healing, have you had any counselling before?
     
  9. lfdy

    lfdy Active Member

    why are you all so nice to me. i dont deserve it. it hurts. i have had so much councelling. but i have crossed the line. my only release from my pain is death. i want to live to see my kids grow up and stuff but at the minute i just dont know if i can hang on or not. i am in so much pain. i just want it to stop.
     
  10. brokensoul98

    brokensoul98 Well-Known Member

    if the prozac isn't working call the dr and get something that will work. if your feeling suicidal right now, call 911 and get help..do it for yourself and and your children. they need their mom. things look bad right now because of the booze..please call someone and get help. things will get better i promise.
     
  11. lfdy

    lfdy Active Member

    i am so fucking confused. i am such a loser. i hate myself so much. stop being so nice to me. your wasting your time. i am a waste of time. nocturnal said something that hurt me though. he said how my kids wouldnt get over my passing. i have always lived every breath for my kids, but what use am i to them now. i cant keep up the pretence that everything is ok. i am not looking for pity. i hate fucking sympathy. but i know they would be better without me. why am i even having this conversation. my head is fucked. i cant believe i am having this conversation. perhaps there is something wrong with me. maybe i am crazy. i dont know anymore. i am so tired. so fucking tired. maybe i should sleep now and things will look different tomorrow. i dont know. i am so fucking confused. i didnt expect anyone to reply or talk to me. i am sorry. i feel bad for wasting your time. but thank you for talking to me. i think i will sleep now. x
     
  12. Nocturnal Ponderer

    Nocturnal Ponderer Well-Known Member

    Because I firmly believe it is inherent in humans to show compassion to others. If not in every single one, then it is in a huge majority. Most people here know where you are, and want to help. Its a genuine desire to help.
    We're all connected in some way. Some people just genuinely like to help. Some people like to sooth.

    Its heart breaking to read of people struggling when there is no need for them to be doing so. We all know the power of community, and so therefore like to spread it.

    You're not so alone.
     
  13. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

    That could be one of your issues, low self-esteem, feeling worthless and unworthy, flat and wanting to give up. You deserve so much more than any of us can provide on this forum! x
     
  14. Nocturnal Ponderer

    Nocturnal Ponderer Well-Known Member

    Apologies, I wasn't meaning to hurt you. But rather bring to your attention how they would feel. And believe me, when you say this
    There is no way they are better off without you. Please do not believe that.
    You mean the world to them and I am positive they love you, unconditionally, very much.
     
  15. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

    I think I can empasise re your children.

    I have always been a good mother... as I imagine you have been also despite your struggles.

    When I had my first counselling session, my counsellor said... why do you want to get better?
    I said for my kids!! Wrong reason... he said, you have to want to get better for yourself or it won't work.

    I bet you love and think the world of your children.

    Maybe you are right, you should sleep on it and get a clearer perpective in the morning. xx
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 30, 2007
  16. brokensoul98

    brokensoul98 Well-Known Member

    why do i care? because i've been where you are. all i needed was to know someone gave a damn about me. i thought i was all alone. i first had to give a shit about me. i was someone. look in the mirror and say " i am someone". do something for once in your life for you! just you. you deserve to do something just for you. then one step at a time...you can do it....
     
  17. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    Hey there!!!Welcome to SF.There are some great people on this forum.They have supported me through thick and thin.i think that you will make many friends here and hope you stick around.i sill want to talk to you very much and im sure many others here will too!!im sorry your in such pain but dont worry about posting when your confused - unfortunately i end up doing this often on SF but the people here are very good with it and can understand and identify.We try and help and support each other.i hope it helped to get some of that out onto the computer screen in typed words and i am sorry for your pain.i hope you are feeling at least a little better and can let us know how your doing soon.Stay safe.Take care.kath
     
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