Okay, so i'm 14, have this huge wonderful life coming my way, but my best friend dies..and everything begins to change. She killed herself because she was a lesbian and no one liked her, i was her best and only friend. she stopped me a few times from making the same desicion because i was being bullyed alot, having rumors go around that i was pregnet, things like that. After she died, i got into a really bad relationship with this boy named Derek. I swear to god i still love him cause the things he does to me now...well...i won't do anything about...i basically take it all. He bossed me around alot when we dated, forced me to give him blow jobs, stuff like that. Then when we broke up...he beat the crap outta me. I mean...it was pretty bad. Every now and again he'll stop by my house, or follow me somewhere, like the mall or something, and talk to me about the men i'm seeing, who they are, ext. and then i'll get another taste of knuckle sandwich. Then after that, around september, another close friend died, then an uncle, then a close family friend, then another two uncles, a couisn, and another friend. so now theres this other boy. we dated for two days, he broke up with me cause he said he didn't know me that well, then we dated three days later for almost a week. the third day of dating i went over to his house, for my reason, to hang out. but i was forced to give him a blow job, just like i was forced with derek. i didn't like that too much. the next day, all he could talk about was other girls, basically saying how he gets hit on by them all the time, and how they flirt with him. and everyone knows, girl friends don't like hearing that! it pisses them off. then two days before halloween, we were all at lunch trying to figure out how we were all meeting up. he looks at me and says "your coming over to my house at 2" i was like "dude, it's a saturday, fuck that, it's too early, and it's halloween!" and then he's like "fine, you have to come over at 4:30, no arguing" and in my mind i'm thinking like, that's my choice wheather to go over to your house or not! and i had plans to go over to my friends to get ready and then meet up. so the next day i broke up with him cause having all the drama and at home life shit going on, his bull wasn't settling with me too well. so now all he does is complain how i broke his heart, and how he cuts himself. and then when i say "whatever" to like..tell him i don't want to hear it anymore, he sits there and tells me that i'm a custy little bitch for not giving a shit about him, and that he regrets falling inlove with me and all that hurtful shit. so i got suspended for beating the shit outta some kid who was threating to break my legs with a hockey stick. so today my ex texts me and says how this girl who is my friend gave him her number and such. so bascially, he's going on about girls again. when he knows i still love him. so i flipped, i was like, dude...you wonder why i broke up with you in the first place, and when i still want you back your gonna keep doing it? and he like, backfired on me pretty heavy. he said shit like "you better give me her fucking msn to prove that you actually love me" and all that shit. so i was like :'( for like, 7 hours straight. so now i'm on the verge of killing myself. all this stress build up, heart ache, all that nonsense is like killing me. i don't fucking know how to get rid of it. i've resorted to some pretty heavy shit, and i don't see any other way. i need help before i make the biggest desision of my life...live or die.......fml.