Help me

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Matt93, Sep 27, 2010.

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  1. Matt93

    Matt93 Well-Known Member

    I went two years without cutting, and 3 days ago I cut, and I've cut everyday since then, and now both my arms are covered in cuts, I'm engrossed in cuts. I take my long sleeved gloves off, and I want to cry, because I'm disgusted at what I've done to myself. But, every time I see something sharp, all I want to do is cut. I fear I may have lost my struggle in fighting my SH addiction.

    Please, someone help me. Please, someone save me before it gets too much. I can't stop myself alone.
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Matt..is there a therapist/MD you can speak to the explore why you went back to SH and what you can do to find a voice to express what you are feeling? You have found alteratives before, and I am sure, it will be worth working on finding them again...big hugs, J
     
  3. Matt93

    Matt93 Well-Known Member

    I've an appointment with my GP this Saturday, and a Counsellors appointment next week. I never found an alternative before, I just looked at a blade and told myself no. But now, I can't. I've just lost that strength all together.
     
  4. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    hi matt try to remember why you stopped 2 years ago,you can stop this now!it may sound silly but have you ever tried waxing your arms its alot more painful and alot safer than cutting or find some strong sellotape and improvise,but you have to stop try to beat youre previous best of 2 years without cutting
     
  5. Matt93

    Matt93 Well-Known Member

    I know. There was no reason to stop 2 years ago. I just did. And I wax my body a lot actually, I'm not much for hairs, though I've got long hair on my head XD. So I don't find waxing painful at all. I'm not even that depressed today, but I've been cutting. I fear the addiction is back, but worse. I want to stop so badly. But, I just don't have the strength in me to do it.
     
  6. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    try and remember how nice you looked without the fresh scars,try and remember being able to show your arms in public wearing short shirts,the horrible thoughts that someone was looking at your scars the embaressment,the having to explain/lie what the scars were
     
  7. Matt93

    Matt93 Well-Known Member

    I've never been a looker, but I've always liked my arms. I shall give this a go, fingers crossed it works. Otherwise, nothing else will.
     
  8. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    theres always something that will work weve just gotta try and find it dont give up trying
    how about a scar tattoo something constant to show on your arms?
     
  9. Matt93

    Matt93 Well-Known Member

    Gah, I live with my parents. They won't let me get a tattoo at all. I'm going to get "Dum loquimur, fugerit inuida aetas: carpe diem, quam minimum credula postero." Tattooed on my arm when I get the chance though. Which would be a good damn reminder not to cut.
     
  10. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    how about looking into henna tattoos then.non permanent or you can get a fake tattoo sleeve,probably be able to google them
     
  11. Matt93

    Matt93 Well-Known Member

    I'm happy enough to hide the cuts and scars until I get the chance to get that tattoo to be honest. Looking at it, would give me hope.
     
  12. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    good how about taking the time to design your own one off tattoo?most tattoo artist can do whatever anybody wants
     
  13. Matt93

    Matt93 Well-Known Member

    I know several 'tats' that I want. A spiralling dragon, it's tail starting on my foot, then it wrapping round my leg, till it's head pops out onto my stomach. My latin poem one. And a golden Eagle on my back, dedicated to a true friend.
     
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