help me

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Tony7, Nov 14, 2010.

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  1. Tony7

    Tony7 Member

    Ive suffered from this horrible depression on and off for years, about 5 years ago I had a SHORT course of meds, and it sorted it out. well either that or i somehow suppressed the feelings. Now though im back on them, and whereas, I used to feel like I would be surprised if I reach age 40 (im 30 now), now i feel like id be surprised to reach my next birthday! Theres some good things in my life like my girlfriend and her daughter, but so many bad things that bring me down. And when i have a argument, no matter how little, with my girlfriend, i feel like i dont even have her anymore, so there is no point going on!
    The stupid things is, I really want to write some letters to explain to people why ive done it
     
  2. Tony7

    Tony7 Member

    but in all honesty, Im too tired, and just cant be bothered! The actual act of ending it all will take effort, and i cant be bothered! How stupid is that!!!
    but oddly, i manage to find energy to self harm!
    i dont know whats happening to me any more! I used to work in very professional jobs for both the police and ambulance service, then just got stuck in a rut in the job i have as a driver. It pays so well, that i got used to the money, and
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Medications are good to get your mind thinking properly Therapy even better as it can give you coping skills you need to deal with all the emotions.
    Talk to your doctor okay get some councilling as it does help to talk to someone not so close to you okay someone you can be open with without fear of anything. take care.
     
  4. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    how long have you been back on meds? can take a while for them to kick in. you might feel worse before you feel better. if it's been at least 6 weeks go back to the doctor and ask for something different. there are plenty of drugs out there, you just need to find the ones that work best for your specific situation. can you do that?
     
  5. Tony7

    Tony7 Member

    thanks for the replies, Ive been on citalopram 10, 20, then 40mg. On 40 for the past 3 months. at first it made a huge difference with friends all commenting on how upbeat i was. Thanks for the thought about calling samaritans, but i hate using phones. :huh:
     
  6. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    sounds like you need different medication if you've been on for 3 months and feeling worse. have you considered if you are bipolar? anti depressants can make a bipolar person worse (not sure why but it's a known fact). there are specific medications for bipolar for that very reason. just thinking out loud here.
     
  7. Tony7

    Tony7 Member

    yep. bipolar had crossed my mind. but i dont want to tell the doctor exactly how bad things are in case i get sent off to a psych hospital and thus lose my job
     
  8. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    well it's all relative, if the choices are death or hospital i vote hospital. why do you think you'd lose your job if you were hospitalized? most places have good disability benefits, you'd just need to have a doctor's note to arrange some time off. at least that's how it is here in canada.
     
  9. Tony7

    Tony7 Member

    Im in the UK. I work for a company that allows 6 weeks paid sick leave, 6 weeks half paid sick leave. Im already on a written warning for having poor attendance. and recently the company has been taken over by new management and they are cracking down on all sickness. 2 years ago, a colleague of mine, (in the same company), committed suicide, after having spent a week in a psych hospital, and then being laid off by work.

    I just did the 'black dog' bipolar test and scored 36, and it says over 22 means possibility of bipolar.
    I dont know that much about bipolar to be honest. Would diagnosis prevent me driving?
     
  10. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    no you'd be fine to drive. there's loads of info on bipolar here: http://www.mooddisorders.on.ca/bipolar.html
    the depression end of things looks like regular depression, no energy, hopelessness, suicidal thoughts, etc. the mania end of things can vary - no sleeping, talking fast, spending alot, lots of sex, risk taking, irritability

    i don't think anyone is going to force you into the hospital if you don't want to be there. it only happens here if you are an immediate threat to yourself (ie you have the means at hand, you have a date and time picked, etc).

    happy reading!
     
  11. Tony7

    Tony7 Member

    Thanks for that dazzle. I will have a read and see whats what. Ive done a few searches on google and found so far that the DVLA require you to inform them if you are dignosed bipolar, so Im still not sure what to do.
     
  12. Tony7

    Tony7 Member

    Everthing is just getting weirder and worse. I went to the doctors on Thursday and explained the problems I've had, and she decided to change my meds from 40mg citalopram to 75 venlafaxine. I got to do a week on 20 of citalopram before changing over tho.
    Well. Today, I was in very high spirits. Very unusual. Happy, whistling, and even singing while at work. I was like that for a good few hours until having a conversation with a friend at work, and he totally unknowingly and innocently made a comment that sent me straight back down into the depth of depression again. It was instant though!!! But after the conversation and when I'd got back to working it's hard to explain, but I wanted to be happy and sing again but at the same time I was feeling really low and having bad thoughts and almost crying. Does any of this make any sense to anyone?
    Also does anyone have any experience to share of venlafaxine?
     
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