Help me

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by TiredAndAlone, Nov 28, 2006.

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  1. Hi everyone. I've not posted on this forum a lot cause I really don't know what to say that's not already been said by hundreds of others. I'm suicidal; there are many people here with similar problems, and it's no good talking to me about 'friends' or family being hurt if I die. That doesn't help. Nor am I religious and I don't believe life is 'precious'. I don't care anymore. Things are down hill from now on. To be honest, if I had a method that I knew would work for certain I'd already be dead. <mod edit helena: asking for means, method...>

    Anyway, you might remember my post here:

    Well I was just talking to this friend. Things have been really bad for me and are only getting worse. I couldn't even go to work today. She wants me to get help, real help but I can't. I don't want to end up in a psych ward. I couldn't never talk to anyone about this, face-to-face and I don't want to get doped-up. I don't want to face my family with these problems - I was always the loser in the family and this will only prove them right.

    I've read that depression is an illness and should be treated like any other illness, but I just can't fully believe this. I just want to die. What should I do? What would happen to me if I went to my GP with this?
    Last edited: Nov 28, 2006
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    hi and good that you are asking about help...if you went to your GP, s/he might be able to Rx medication, but it depends upon your problem...s/he might refer you to a pdoc and/or a therapist...hospitalization is the last case treatment, with many other options in between...please speak to your GP and see where it goes...big hugs
  3. So what will happen exactly? I can't just go to a doctor and saying 'oh btw i feel suicidally depressed.' Can you imagine the reaction? And it's no good me making out that it's just depression cause that's not going to help.

    I've read that being depressed and suicidal are two different things but I don't see that. If you're depressed, but not suicidal or self-harming, then you're just sad. And usually there's a clear reason for this.

    Urgh. This is so fucked-up. Why am I like this?!
  4. bipolarkitty

    bipolarkitty Well-Known Member

    That's not always the case. I have bipolar and very frequently get depressed for no reason whatsoever. I can be sitting on the couch feeling fine and then wham! I'm so down I want to cry. So it's not always because of something in particular.

    As far as your GP, I went to mine once about this and he was very kind. I told him that I was depressed and thinking about suicide. He wanted to know if I had any imminent plan to kill myself. I said no, just thinking about it all the time. I was scared they'd put me in the hospital, but he didn't. He prescribed medication and referred me to a psychiatrist at a clinic.

    You can be severely suicidal, but if you have no imminent intent, they will more than likely try to work with you first. From my experience they don't hospitalize you unless there's a clear and imminent danger to you or others. It all boils down to intent.

    I can tell you that over this past summer I was suicidal every single day and my therapist and pdoc knew about it. I'd tell them all the different things I was thinking about. But it wasn't until they thought the threat was imminent that they acted and convinced me I needed to go in.

    I hope this helps you to decide to talk to your doctor. He (or she) can help. And as far as hospitalization goes, maybe it would help to look at it this way. If you want to live and the danger of suicide is too great, then the hospital (while not pleasant) is a place that's safe for you. It can literally save your life.

    I've been hospitalized 5 times over the last 10 years. 3 of them in the last 3 years. It's not a fun place to be. I don't enjoy going. But it saved my life more than once.

    I've done a lot of research on depression and stuff. If you have any questions or just want to talk, please pm me. I'm by no means an expert, but I have many years of experience dealing with this pain and I can understand. I'd love to help any way I can.
  5. Thanks. What thing in particular made them decide you needed to go to hospital if they already knew about your ideation? What made them think the threat was imminent?

    I'm always thinking about killing myself, but I currently lack the means to do it. Well, at least in a non-painful way.
  6. Serene

    Serene Member

    I also dont talk to anyone in my environment about it, for pretty much the same reasons as you. I also fear losing my job and with it the little bit of something like a normal life that I have, so I just talk to people anonymously.

    I agree that you should see a doctor, it sounds like medication could help you a great way towards having more energy and more of a drive in your life, which in turn allows you to improve your situation. I always say that people need to have some sort of drive to be able to improve something, and being depressed 24/7 just leads to more depression without change.
  7. Xian

    Xian Well-Known Member

    You should really get help! Not even a year ago I was thinking the same things you were. I don't know how old you are but I was 19 and so afraid, thinking that I had an image to uphold lest people thought badly of me, thinking I was a failure who let my parents down...and that's not what happened at all! I was surprised but everyone was very understanding, and even though I feel my parents are at least partly to blame for my social anxiety & depression, they helped me to find the therapist who ended up saving my life. I am soooo much better now because of her.

    It's very very possible to get better, believe me! You cannot give up hope. Back then, I knew I owed it to myself to survive. I'm so grateful I was able to see that...
  8. bipolarkitty

    bipolarkitty Well-Known Member

    I sent an email to my therapist one night when I was feeling particularly depressed and suicidal, not to mention VERY impulsive. That's a very dangerous situation for me to be in. Everyone treating me knows this about me. Anyways, in that email I asked him this question: What if I'm not planning on doing anything but am feeling bad enough that conditions are right that if I'm impulsive I might take action? (I'll admit I was testing the water. That night I was very suicidal with 100% intent.)

    He knew from the previous several days that I had been getting steadily worse and had less and less control over my impulses. He became very concerned that I was in imminent danger when he read my email. But even then, he wanted to assess my intent. He told me this: I would like to hear from you that either you are safe at home and will remain safe, OR that you are planning a voluntary admission to the hospital.

    He even said that he wanted me to call him at home and gave me a time limit to call and give my answer. If I hadn't called, he would have had to take action to ensure my safety, but I did call. I said I would go to the hospital. I found out later that if I had told him I was safe and would stay that way, I wouldn't have had to go. But it was good that I did go. I doubt I'd be alive now if I hadn't.

    Sorry this was so long... I guess the bottom line is that they'll hospitalize you ONLY if they feel you're an immediate danger to yourself or others. But just as you want to avoid being hospitalized (understandable), they don't want to put you through that if it's not absolutely necessary. Trust in the people who are treating you to have your best interests at heart.

    Oh, one more thing... even if you end up being hospitalized, it's rarely for more than a few days to a week. And no one has to know unless you want them to.

    I hope this has put you a little more at ease. You can ask me anything. I've been around the block enough times in this arena that odds are I'll have an answer for you. :) I'm here because I want to help others as much as I want help when I need it.

    Ride along on the Bipolar Roller Coaster

    I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
    I know, right now you can't tell
    But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
    A different side of me
    I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
    I know, right now you don't care
    But soon enough you're gonna think of me
    And how I used to be

    - Unwell by Matchbox 20
    the song that speaks to my soul
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 30, 2006
  9. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Dear Tired;

    I believe that depression, real depression, is much more than just feeling sad: it's losing interest in doing and being things that you used to enjoy doing or being. It's feeling like a waste of oxygen, a mistake. "Sad" will lessen/become bearable with time; clinical/severe depression will not.:sad:

    I have suicidal thoughts frequently but don't act on them because I know (from the suicide of others) the damage it does. It leaves a lasting negative impact on those who know you, whether you think it will or not - it does. It leaves others with feelings of guilt (why couldn't I prevent it??) and emptiness.

    I've been getting professional help for years now - meds and counseling - and it really helps keep me away from the edge of "the cliff".

    I'm sorry to hear of how badly you're feeling and hope you can find some relief - either here or professionally. It's worth a try. If you can lessen the depression life can seem a whole lot brighter.:smile:

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