Help! My suicidal thought is back.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by trinisty, Feb 14, 2015.

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  1. trinisty

    trinisty Well-Known Member

    After days without suicidal thought, I thought I moved on... but it's coming back.

    I feel like she hates me, I feel like she doesn't want me anymore. We've been friends for almost 4 years, I've been in love with her for 2 years. I confessed, and she said no, and that event haunted me. It's been more than 2 weeks since I learned to accept that, but now it's coming back. I always imagine her dating someone else, and I'm here depressed, with nothing left inside me. Please help. I feel like I'm useless, I can't take it. I want to die. I don't want to see her with someone else, I'm scared. She hates me. Please help. I don't know what to do. My heart is broken into pieces, I don't think that I can't put it back together. I feel like I'm childish, I can't be mature, I can't be like everyone else. I can't make her fall in love with me. I'm sorry. I hate myself. Why can I be someone that she loves? Please help.
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there, you're not childish at all. We all get rejections in life in one form or another, how you deal with varies from individual to individual. How old are you?
    You can't make her fall in love with you but you can control how you deal with what's happened. I am sorry you got rejected, it's never nice :hug:
     
  3. trinisty

    trinisty Well-Known Member

    Petal, thank you so much. I was crying so bad, my hands are shaking, and I feel like I wanna bang my head into the wall so hard until I die.

    I'm 19 years old. I'm a guy, and I often cry. I feel like I'm weak, I can't be like other guys. Confident, and easy to move on from something. I can't do that, it's hard for me to do that. I always feel bad about myself, I always feel guilty, I always say sorry to everyone. I can't help it... I don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe I'm weird, maybe I'm not a type of guy that a girl wants. I'm scared of losing her. Why she once liked a guy who made her cry, but not me? I want her to be happy. I want her to smile and laugh. But why she never loves me? I'm scared. I feel like my life is falling apart within seconds.
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    You are very welcome and you are always welcome to talk to me.

    A LOT of people fake confidence, it's often a front for hiding insecurities, we've all done it (i think lol), you certainly are not alone in how you feel. I know this sounds tough but you will find someone one day that will love you for you, im 26 since yesterday lol and im happily single, you have to be ready for a relationship too.
    The rejection is going to make you a stronger person, that is a fact. We are all here for you, hugs :hug:
     
  5. trinisty

    trinisty Well-Known Member

    I'm feeling sooooooo much better now. I read the article in the sticky notes thread, and I feel so much better. Petal... thank you so much for reading. I love this forum... this forum literally saved my life... twice! I still don't understand why I can discuss about how do people eat cupcakes and suddenly turn into suicidal feeling like this. Boy oh boy I am weird. Love you, have a great day!
     
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