Help needed...badly...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by nordi, Dec 13, 2011.

?

What do I do?

  1. Go left.

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  2. Go right.

    66.7%
  3. Take off the chain and follow death.

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  4. Let the chain continue to choke me.

    33.3%
  1. nordi

    nordi Active Member

    So, as many of you know, I am married and have two little boys ages 2 and 1. I have also been struggling with depression and anxiety for some time now. Recently, all the crap that I have been dealing with landed me a 4 night stay in the local mental institution because I tried to blow my brains out (and when that was prevented, I then tried to OD unsuccessfully). Here is where I emotionally am at with my life. I am standing in front of a brick wall (which would lead to a path of happiness normally, not anymore) and death is behind me. To my right is a path that leads to divorce and uncertainty. To my left is a path that leads to giving up my children and emotional turmoil for the rest of my life. There is a chain around my throat that is bound to the wall. The chain is tight, choking me. Every time that death grabs my hand and tries to pull me to him, the chain recoils and whips me right back in front of the wall. I have the key to take off that chain (stop taking my anti-crazy meds) but a tiny voice (my husband) is screaming and begging me not to. The chain will let me take which ever path I choose to, but will not let me go with death. So what do I do? Do I let the chain continue to choke me until I stop breathing? Do I go left or right? Or do I finally give into death's siren call? What do I do?
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You go a get some therapy for YOU okay You talk to someone who will help you figure out what path is a safe path for you so you can be here for your two little boys God do not pass on that gene of suicide okay do not do that to them Get some help for YOu now hun
     
  3. nordi

    nordi Active Member

    Well, I am in therapy. If it wasn't for getting help, I would have never realized they were the issue in the first place. I mean I understand that my mental state is my problem but they exasperate it to the point where I am breaking down. There is another path I believe is starting to open up, but it's rocky and is unclear as to where it leads. It scares me so it's probably not worth mentioning.