Hi
I need some help and advice, please. Last Thursday I phoned my key worker (who's a nurse) and to cut a long story short, we had an argument. During which I said that I felt that she wasn't doing anything for me. We hadn't even discussed my self harm (which is getting worse and worse) in the 4 months I'd been seeing her. She responded by saying that 'everything she'd suggested I'd said no to'. I told her see was meant to be the professional here and it was up to her to find or suggest something that I found suitable. The argument got quite heated. In the end I told her that I wanted nothing more to do with her and that I was going to kill myself and that it would be her fault and I slammed the phone down on her. After that I resolved not to contact her any more. The first few days afterwords I didn't self harm at all. But I've gone back to it now and I've been self harming a lot more. Not so much the cutting but taking pills.
Anyway, since then I've had no contact with anyone. I know I said that I didn't want anything to do with her, but I thought that someone might phone me form there as I was so upset and I said about killing myself. It just proves that I'm not worth bothering about even by those people who are paid to care. They just think 'good' we wont have to bother about her anymore. But I feel abandoned and left with no one to turn to. The only option left to me is to kill myself. As I've said the self harm has escalated to truly enormous proportions - but today I really want to take enough to end it all. This is normally the kind of time that I'd want to phone the key worker, but I'm determined I'm not going to - if they can't be bothered with me then I can't be bothered with them. They are just making me feel even more worthless and useless.
I need some help and advice, please. Last Thursday I phoned my key worker (who's a nurse) and to cut a long story short, we had an argument. During which I said that I felt that she wasn't doing anything for me. We hadn't even discussed my self harm (which is getting worse and worse) in the 4 months I'd been seeing her. She responded by saying that 'everything she'd suggested I'd said no to'. I told her see was meant to be the professional here and it was up to her to find or suggest something that I found suitable. The argument got quite heated. In the end I told her that I wanted nothing more to do with her and that I was going to kill myself and that it would be her fault and I slammed the phone down on her. After that I resolved not to contact her any more. The first few days afterwords I didn't self harm at all. But I've gone back to it now and I've been self harming a lot more. Not so much the cutting but taking pills.
Anyway, since then I've had no contact with anyone. I know I said that I didn't want anything to do with her, but I thought that someone might phone me form there as I was so upset and I said about killing myself. It just proves that I'm not worth bothering about even by those people who are paid to care. They just think 'good' we wont have to bother about her anymore. But I feel abandoned and left with no one to turn to. The only option left to me is to kill myself. As I've said the self harm has escalated to truly enormous proportions - but today I really want to take enough to end it all. This is normally the kind of time that I'd want to phone the key worker, but I'm determined I'm not going to - if they can't be bothered with me then I can't be bothered with them. They are just making me feel even more worthless and useless.
