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Help please, I need serious advice

#1
Hello and before I start I want to say thank you for clicking on this. I am in very big need of an advice or someone to talk to. I never thought that I will search for it on online platforms, but my need keeps growing and I am at very bad state of my mind. I can't process information clearly and I barely can focus on anything else right now. My case is very unexpected and it's making me feel devastated. I feel unable to explain my emotions the way they are, but I will try my best. It all started today when I understood that my family is falling apart. I'm in a situation where I have to make a decision. I don't feel like explaining the whole story here, since the platform is very big and there are many people seeking help and support. I want to ask for a listener and I will be very thankful if I find one. I had hard times with my family almost all of my life and they keep having huge impact on me and by falling deeper I found that that I have depression. I tried to cope with it for years and I thought I did quite handle it, but since this problem that came back in my life, I feel like I felt back in the same place. I don't feel anything ans I had several panic attacks and I had to take medications. It's very hard to tell what you feel when the events hit you out of nowhere and when you are alone. I really need to talk to someone who may had similar problems before, someone that knows what is a family struggle. I will explain the situation shortly for information. My mom is an alcoholic and she have problems with her nerves. My dad is overworking and he too is not at his best state of mind. My parents are divorced, but they live together. They don't get along anymore and it's getting worse. I decided to talk with them and make them tell each other how they feel. But I have to make bigger decisions and for this I really need to explain the whole situation. So please, if you are willing to help, comment here and we can find a way to communicate. I will be active here mostly maybe the whole night, because I really need and I will appreciate the help that I am seeking for.
 

hope_cope_nope

Well-Known Member
#2
How old are you?

I had to make a similar decision when I was 10. My father interrogated me all night, even though I said I don't want to choose and I want to go to sleep. I was rolling on the floor crying. After several hours I finally said I'm choosing to stay with the mother. Father hated me ever since.

That was literally the most traumatizing night in my life.
 
#3
I am 18 year old. You did it on such a young age and I imagine how you felt then. How did you cope with it? For me it's hard to make the decision of who I will stay with and I have to, even though In my country at this age I can live on my own, but I still don't have the possibility to do it. I can explain why it's hard to make the decision and what are the things that I can't wrap my head around. I don't know how to explain such things properly since I never did it with strangers. And that's why I want to ask before I do it, do you want me to explain more of the situation?
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#5
welcome to SF @Victoria0202 we are a peer group that cares but never judges. please feel free to look at the different threads and if you prefer real time we have a good chat section. feel free to talk this is a safe site. i hope you find what you need...mike...*hug*shake
 
#6
Yes, can you say more?
My mom wants to run away from us and she hides those things from my father. She talked with me today about this and only me. She wants to takes us away from him, because he is making her feel very bad,because of the differences that they have. They have been through a lot and they both have much problems by my understanding. Her words are making me feel so broken, because she told me that nothing holds her here anymore and it's only my sister that makes her stay. She explains our home so horribly and I don't really think it's the way she sees it. It's one of the main reasons why I don't believe her words and actions. In the past she would I guess I can say lie to us. She would manipulate me and making me believe at having a better life without my dad. But without him was a disaster. My biggest fear is that it can happen the same if I chose to stay with hee after she leave. My dad is not the best person either if we talk about relationship with a person. He care less and his words make my mom feel hurt aswell. But that doesn't mean that he doesn't care. But the way he express his feelings can really hurt someone sometimes and I agree with her to this. Those things are making me wonder what's better and what's going to happen? I don't know in what to believe or who I can turn to. She's suicidal and I am fearing that she might do something to harm herself, since she did it before. I was next to her almost my entire childhood and trying to help her. But it seems like I never succeeded and I blamed myself a lot for it. Now it's the same, because she too blames me for not helping and listening to her, while I feel so deep down aswell. I really don't know what to do, especially hearing her calling random people on the phone and talking about this.
 

hope_cope_nope

Well-Known Member
#8
You story is very similar to mine. My mum also told me that she wanted to leave my dad and we were the obstacle.

It looks like the father is more sane of your parents. Threatening with suicide is a symptom of borderline. While there is no much you can do, borderline often passes when the person turns 40. So you may hope your mother will get better.

People in your situation are usually more mature than they should be for their age, so my advice to you is to embrace a little bit of healthy egoism, just like children do. Maintain the healthy balance: be egoistic and act in your own interest, but don't violate your values. Choose what is better for you. Don't be destructive to yourself or to others.

Also, while your parents were responsible for raising you, we can assume they failed at this task, so you must raise yourself. Name a few of the best and the worst qualities of your parents. When they are the best - act the same way. When they are the worst - act the opposite. Also remember you don't have to be perfect and making errors is acceptable from time to time, as long as you improve.

Try to be a good person. Learn from mistakes of your parents and follow them whenever they do right. Take care about yourself. Ask for support. Care about others' issues. Many people are toxic and many people are indifferent, but there are also friends. Look for them.

Things will not be easy, but you have a chance for a relatively normal life. I wish you the best.
 

JDot

J to the Dizzle O to the Tizzle
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#9
Hey @Victoria0202 It sounds like your parents have put you in a tough situation. Make sure to make the decision that is best for you. You're responsible for your well-being. You're not responsible for your parents' well-being. You'll always have a place here to share your thoughts and feelings. We're here for you. And we're glad to have you here.
 

KM76710

KM stands for Kangaroo Manager
SF Supporter
#10
Hello and welcome, you have joined a fine place to share and have many offer advice. Stick around, check things out and join in.
 

ib4uib

Well-Known Member
#11
Sometimes we all want to do what is best for either mum/dad/sister/brother/nan/grandad etc etc.

But at the end of the day their is always a price to pay, and this price can be our own mental being either now or in the future.

I can't give you advice on what to do, but I can advise you on whatever you do make sure you put your own personal health and well being at the top of the priority list.
 

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