help, please. i'm begging every one and every thing

[NARF !!]

I, just like the tile i’m gonna go straight into this. I’m on a major low right now, and, I don’t know what to do.

I keep having major emotional attacks. And it feels like I’m being possessed. Like, it’s not me. And they just suddenly hit me, like a hammer to the face. And for no reason!

Although I do have ALOT of problems in my life, I believe I am a strong person, and my favorite saying is "every thing will be alright in the end. If it's not alright, it’s not the end." and I’m being VERY patient, and waiting for the storm to f****** go away.

The thing is, I’ve had so many of these "mood swings of depression" and.... I’m just so scared.... I really don't think I want to die. But, when ever this.... thing grabs be, I just want to give up on every thing. And be left alone, from every thing. All emotion. Every thing. Because, when it comes on, (and saying this sounds weird, because it’s some thing above physical and emotional) your in so much pain, you can't move. You crumple up, into this pathetic heap on the floor, grabbing at any thing that might help you stand up again.

The worst one lasted 13 hours once. That was bad. I thought I’d never get out of it. Samaritans basically blanked me. Basically saying, well what do you want ME to do? I was only on the phone 7 minutes.

It’s so horrid, painful, and degrading, you want to just, escape.

But when I come out of it. I have a laugh with some people I know. And, I feel happy some times. And that’s what makes me feel so stupid.

I tried antidepressants. They did not work.

I don’t know what to do any more. I’m so scared I’ll... do some thing I’ll regret. I’m so scared I’ll have another attack, I don’t think I could face another one....

If any one can give any advice, any advice at all!!! I’d be extremely grateful!

...if it’s just to numb you from every thing... any thing.... please. I’m begging

 

[shellz]

First of all :hug: Second of all, I am so sorry your having those attacks and feeling the way you do. I have also felt like that on more than one occasion, and to be honest with you, I ended up passing out.

If you really are feeling like this for that long, then maybe you should call for an ambulance or something. Anything other than having to go through another attack again. Or try taking deep slow breaths and Drinking water very slowly so you dont choke

 

[TheBLA]

I'm not really sure what to say except that you shouldn't go through this alone, you should seek out some help right now, ASAP. I know its not as easy as that of course, but you do need some help, you shouldn't be going through this alone and I hope you can get the help you need and deserve.

 

[Esmeralda]

Well, I'm no expert on this matter, but maybe you haven't found the right anti-depressant? Also, if you are having these crippling attacks, maybe a doc would prescribe you some relaxants, like Xanax or Valium to help you to calm down when these attacks occur. I know someone who takes Xanax for a similar problem that is not nearly as severe, so I think a doctor would give you some kind of tranquilizer. I really hope you feel better

 

[Tahiti]

Um...

You have bipolar, plain and simple.

Because yes that's what I have and yes I can identify with what you're going through.

Talk with your doctor about quitting those anti-depressants, because if you really do have bipolar disorder and not clinical/unipolar depression, then you're being fed the wrong shit and that'll only worsen everything.

 

[immure]

i d like to know more of the physical symptom of this in the different stages whata ur eyes r doin hands and so

 

[thecleric]

IThe thing is, I’ve had so many of these "mood swings of depression" and.... I’m just so scared.... I really don't think I want to die. But, when ever this.... thing grabs be, I just want to give up on every thing. And be left alone, from every thing. All emotion. Every thing. Because, when it comes on, (and saying this sounds weird, because it’s some thing above physical and emotional) your in so much pain, you can't move. You crumple up, into this pathetic heap on the floor, grabbing at any thing that might help you stand up again....But when I come out of it. I have a laugh with some people I know. And, I feel happy some times. And that’s what makes me feel so stupid.

This sounds a bit like my experience of depression. It tends to sit in the background most of the time, but hits me very hard at times, often for rather trivial reasons. I find it difficult even to move out of my chair, and I will spend hours thinking very specific thoughts of suicide, in part to reinforce my depression.

I would not take any of our diagnoses at all seriously. We're mental patients, not doctors. We also have a very poor method of communicating with each other here, so I'd venture that even a real pshrink would have difficulty.

That said, I really disagree with Mikoto's instant bipolar diagnosis. You didn't mention any manic symptoms. If you do have them, then you should let your pshrink know, because depression and bipolar disorders are quite different beasts, with rather different standard treatments.

I also think peanut is on the wrong track, thinking of panic disorder. It should be obvious to you if you're panicking or catatonic during your episodes. In addition, panic disorder is often associated with some form of PTSD. If there isn't something obvious in your past to have caused PTSD (war, rape, etc), then that possibility becomes less likely.

Here's a link to a quick summary of the DSM IV's various classifications of depression. Tell me if "major depressive disorder, with atypical features" sounds closer.

I tried antidepressants. They did not work.

Me too. There are always new ones to try, of course, but antidepressants aren't terribly effective drugs in general. The placebo effect is actually a large part of their perceived effectiveness. Cognitive therapy might be of interest, along with exercise. Some other drugs, including the stimulants used for ADD, can also be helpful in some cases.

We all feel for you, but none of us are expert enough (or truly familiar enough with you, even if we were expert) to give a correct diagnosis. So talk to a real doctor, and vent here. In fact, talk to several pshrinks. Psychiatry isn't nearly as precise a science as cardiology, and even basic diagnosis is often a matter of differing opinion. So go pshrink pshopping, and stick with the one your gut tells you is the best.

 

[~CazzaAngel~]

Um...

You have bipolar, plain and simple.

Because yes that's what I have and yes I can identify with what you're going through.

Talk with your doctor about quitting those anti-depressants, because if you really do have bipolar disorder and not clinical/unipolar depression, then you're being fed the wrong shit and that'll only worsen everything.

In agreement :hug: please think about what was said ^^^^^^^



:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

 

[Nonny]

Talk to your doctor.

I don't want to throw out another diagnosis - but perhaps others will consider this one ...

This is exactly what a panic attack is. People who suffer from panic attacks get overcome with acute absolute and intense fear/panic/anxiety at such an intense level, but for a short period of time. And 13 hours being your "longest" stretch - that's short. Way shorter than bipolar cyclings.

That sounds like a very long panic attack.

The general treatment for panic attacks is long term use of a benzodiazapene - like CLonazepam/Klonopin.

It really, really, really sounds like Panic attack disorder to me. And antidepressents aren't the way to go - long term anti-anxiety usage is. Talk to your doctor. But oh my god, it really does sound like panic attacks. I can't say that enough.

 

[NARF !!]

thanks... i'll research some things you said. like that bipolar (yeah, im quite dumb in the knowing department)

i tryed to get a shrink by doctor, got to see them once, but they said you go through what every one else goes through. i couldn't tell them much, i just didt have the courage. not on meeting them. then beein shoved through the door.

i wouldn't be able to afford a shrink. and it took a year and a half just to get the last apiontment. waiting is so hard, you have time to think.

i feel quite horrid taking your time just for you to listen to me vent. you all came on here too, and you all have your own problems. and, i dont want to feel like im stealing any help any of you could be getting instead of reading about me feling sorry for my self. i should be stronger than that. and i should let you lot have more time of your own.

..i wish i could leave every one, so i wasn't a bother to every one.

i'll do that test thing on depression soon.

thank you so much all of you! for the hug at the beggining! and just, showing you cared! and you dont even know me! i dont know what it is yet, but i'll take your advice and try and find out.

i'll come on here soon

thank you!
so much!




on a test some one posted on here a while ago i scored 87

http://www.suicideforum.com/bdc/index.html
this is the link

 

[Esmeralda]

Don't sell yourself short, and don't think you are taking help away from others. I think that the people who come here draw tremendous support from others just by reading about their struggles and doing their best to reach out and help them. You are helping others just by your presence here. Good luck and keep us posted!

 

[thecleric]

(yeah, im quite dumb in the knowing department)

Wow, but you're hilariously expressive.

i couldn't tell them much, i just didt have the courage. not on meeting them.

Indeed. That's why you shop around for one.

it took a year and a half just to get the last apiontment.

The beauty of your nationalized healthcare.

i feel quite horrid taking your time just for you to listen to me vent.

Not at all--your story is obviously interesting to a lot of us. And I'm sure we'd all like to hear more description of your experience. I'm sure you noticed that we all looked at it through the lenses of our own experiences, so what we wrote was as much about ourselves as it was about you.

i should let you lot have more time of your own.

The problem most of us here face is that we spend our own time very poorly, being depressed. Talking to someone new is actually a help.

 

[NARF !!]

I'm going into one right now!

...oh god... i dont know what to do.
i wish i knew what to do.

my boy friend's on msn, if i talk to him, i'll just drag his spirits down. and even if i do talk to him, i wouldn't know what to say, and wouldn't know how he would be able to help...

oh.... damn...

is any one on now?

....

 

[shellz]

Hey whats going on? Do you know what brought this one on, or is it sudden? Hang in there, okay?

 

[NARF !!]

sudden.... and it wont stop! ....i want it to stop so bad....

 

[shellz]

What have you done to try stopping it? You need to take, deep, slow breaths, okay? Close your eyes and think of a place you would love to go to. Say your on a beach somewhere, The sun is shining so nicely, the waves are silently crashing amongst the beach, the sand is so warm that you put your toes in it, There is a slight breeze, but nothing to bad.

Try putting your mind somewhere else when this happens

 

[NARF !!]

. . . . . thanks, but, its quite a bad one. im trying to take deep slow breaths.

drinkng water stops throught from stinging.

but, emotionally, i'm try every thing i can think of to make it stop.

my mum caught me. she's gone down stairs to make me a cup of tea.

and so i'm trying to concentrate on how much of a lucky person i am, but its not really helping...

 

[shellz]

You just have to ride this one out..I know how hard it is to do so, but yOu have to hang in there..keep trying your best to get yourself to calm down. Good luck!

 

[NARF !!]

thank you! i really mean it! thank you!

just knowing some one is there. and your hoping im ok, thank you so much!

 

[shellz]

Well you are very much welcome