I have been going to therapy for 9 months and I still find it really hard to open up with my therapist. It was only last week that I told her about the SI. I'm sure she thinks of me as a failure. Even when I talk to her, I can't talk about my feelings. I have to pretend that I'm happy and that I have no problems. So I have to smile when I talk to her. I can't talk about the suicidal feelings. I pretend as if nothing or noone could ever hurt me. And when she asks me questions about my feelings, sometimes I lie. I don't do it on purpose; I just do it to protect myself I think. She knows I lie so she tells me to be honest when I answer her questions. Does anybody feel the way I do? And how do you overcome that feeling? I really need help because if I can't open up with her, I think she might not want to see me anymore. She knows I'm struggling but I can't tell her the reasons so she thinks I don't trust her. I know this post is really pathetic but I really need some help.