Help Please

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Stretty, Apr 14, 2009.

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  1. Stretty

    Stretty New Member

    I have reached the point where I can't go on. I have been depressed on and off for over ten years. During this period I have had times when I hae been suicidal but have always been talked out of it or too afraid to go ahead.

    I have had a series of personal problems during this period which made things worse including the death of my mother to cancer and then the most recent which started this current depression was the murder of my older brother.

    I had a really difficult time when my brother (to whom I was extremely close) was killed - what with dealing with the investigation, delays with the funeral, and the trial. I have not recovered from that and haven't worked for the past 3 years.

    I know people will say I should get over it but I can't. It's a combination of the initial depression and the bereavements and the stress of the manner in which my brother died.

    I am now all alone - my father died many years ago and I have no other siblings. Because of having being depressed previously, it affected my friendships and my ability to have relationships so I have very few friends and no partner.

    I feel alone, sad, and basically defeated by life. I think I have tried by holding on for so long over the years and now I am just tired and want to sleep. I'm tired of fighting myself just to keep going in what has essentially become a very bleak and meaningless existance.

    I don't even know what help I want I just needed to let things out. Thank you for reading.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 14, 2009
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    The loss you described isn't something you can just get over, especially if you've been fighting depression to begin with.

    I just wanted you to know that I read your post, and I'm around a lot if you ever need to talk. I hope you can make some friends here so that you don't feel so alone.
  3. Stretty

    Stretty New Member

    Thanks Wildcherry for replying. I do want to talk but I don't know what more there is to say. I just feel that I'm so tired that I don't/can't go on anymore and I don't feel I have a reason to carry on.

    I am now actively planning my suicide because I don't want to feel this way anymore and I can't see anything helping to make me feel better. I have been seeing psychiatrists throughout my depression and have been on numerous anti-depressants. Nothing has helped.

    I can't/don't want to carry on like this.
  4. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    hey, glad you reached out here on s.f.

    i have found a lot of support here, and i hope you do, as well.

    you are going through a huge struggle, and i am so sorry for your pain, and your fatigue .

    i hope you can hold on to that positive part of you - the one that reached out here. the part that wants to live - because it knows, as many of us have learned, that there can be better days.

    please lean on us, hold on and don't let go honey. pm me if you want to talk - i care about you xx:console:
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