I have reached the point where I can't go on. I have been depressed on and off for over ten years. During this period I have had times when I hae been suicidal but have always been talked out of it or too afraid to go ahead. I have had a series of personal problems during this period which made things worse including the death of my mother to cancer and then the most recent which started this current depression was the murder of my older brother. I had a really difficult time when my brother (to whom I was extremely close) was killed - what with dealing with the investigation, delays with the funeral, and the trial. I have not recovered from that and haven't worked for the past 3 years. I know people will say I should get over it but I can't. It's a combination of the initial depression and the bereavements and the stress of the manner in which my brother died. I am now all alone - my father died many years ago and I have no other siblings. Because of having being depressed previously, it affected my friendships and my ability to have relationships so I have very few friends and no partner. I feel alone, sad, and basically defeated by life. I think I have tried by holding on for so long over the years and now I am just tired and want to sleep. I'm tired of fighting myself just to keep going in what has essentially become a very bleak and meaningless existance. I don't even know what help I want I just needed to let things out. Thank you for reading.