help pweeeeez

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by flayflow, Jul 28, 2008.

  1. flayflow

    flayflow Well-Known Member

    random question.
    how the fuck do i cum for crying out loud. no matter what my bf does i just dont seem to be able too and it really fucking gets to me

    but the weird thing is
    this is kinda grosse but yeah i can cum by myself ( ovi when i wasn't with him) when he's not around which sound extremely bitchy but its not my fault.

    can any of you guys give me a helping hand of how we can make me cum lol

    all ideas welcome ^_^

  2. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    what you're describing isn't weird at all.

    do you know what makes you feel good yourself? maybe you could tell that to your bf?

    how is communication though, when having sex...are you two talking or is it silent "he/she must know what he's doing" and not actually telling the other what they like and how they are doing?

    maybe you just aren't feeling relaxed with him. maybe he isn't feeling relaxed too. maybe there's too much emphasis on the end bit rather than enjoying each other in bed. maybe if there's less focus on 'i need to cum why can't i cum' then you'd relax and it will eventually happen. you might enjoy the playing/foreplay before more than the actual orgasm.

    i've heard certain medication can effect things, but seeing as you can cum yourself i don't does sound like a relationship thing- rather than something to do with you.
  3. flayflow

    flayflow Well-Known Member

    we don't talk during sex. neither one of us does and its how it always has been. he doesn't give facial expressions or any sound of enjoying himself at all! but thats his personality and i cant change that but i love him just the way he is.

    the only way i cum is with a vibrator and i don't intend on doing that in front of him for all reasons possible! but i still don't understand what we can do. i am relaxed and i think he is too i just let him do his thing lol

    i haven't had much sexual experience so tbh i don't rele no what im doing or how to please i guy in bed and its kinda of a conscious of my body/weight etc
  4. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    i don't know if that's really his personality or he is just not relaxed, not comfortable with his body- you both do sound very tense.

    why don't you feel comfortable masturbating in front of him? he might enjoy that a lot- and it might relax you both.

    i suggest just talking about it- have a conversation about what's going on between you both sexually and how you feel. open communication is the only way from experience that things get improved on.

    don't feel you have to please anyone. from your post- no talking just sounds like a deathly silence which can be very tense- you can't read each other's minds, especially when you feel disappointed with what's going on yourself.

    maybe there's a lot you and your boyfriend could explore if you're willing. i'd encourage you to talk a lot more. it can be a bit embarrassing but you both might enjoy that a lot and it doesn't have to be dirty you're just letting each other know what works and what doesn't for now..

    you say you can only reach orgasm through a vibrator- if you experimented with your bf you might find other things that make you feel good.

    i do find if i'm emotionally not well then sex and everything linked is awful. relatively good mental/physical health does have an effect.

    as for feeling self conscious- have you tried just having the lights low- maybe you'd feel safer that way? are you afraid of him seeing you or touching you or both?
  5. flayflow

    flayflow Well-Known Member

    more seeing me then anything, i hates me body

    and i feel uncomfortable doing it in font of him
  6. kenny

    kenny Well-Known Member

    The First, and most important thing to do is to relax. you have to be comfortable with yourself. can you reach orgasm if your boyfried stimulates you? have you tried cunnilingus?

    you may have to bite the bullet and show him how you get yourself off. yes it will be embarrassing, but you might want to get him to show you how he gets off on his own as well to reduce the embarrasment.

    yes it's embarrassing at first, but you have to get past it if you want a satisfying sex life.

    best of luck
  7. anonymousguy

    anonymousguy Member

    He cares about you, he wants you to cum, but it's not going to happen if you're both not feeling relaxed and comfortable. Talk with him about it, tell him that you've only ever had an orgasm while masturbating with a vibrator. Maybe use the vibrator on your clitoris while you're having intercourse, he'll probably enjoy the added vibration as well.

    Here's an idea, masturbate with him in the room, but blindfold him. That way you can orgasm while he's there, but you won't have to feel self conscious about how you look while doing it. But I guarantee that if he watches he won't be grossed out, and will most likely be turned on.

    I obviously don't know what the two of you have and haven't done sexually, but I can guarantee you haven't done it all. Try new things and find out what you like, and communicate to him that you like it.
  8. flayflow

    flayflow Well-Known Member

    my bf was here when i wrote it all it was the only way i thought i could get a decent answer and so i wasn't doing it behind his back.

    no we haven't done it all we've been going out for just over a month. yes short amount of time i no but i do feel comfortable with him and we are relaxed. if i wasn't rellaxed he wouldn't be able to get in my in the first place
  9. Lucie

    Lucie Well-Known Member

    Ask him to lick you, works for me lol.
  10. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    This may be the problem.
  11. Dessao

    Dessao New Member

    w/o wanting to sound clinical, or knowing much about this, but this isn't uncommon. If you don't get the stimulation to get off, you don't, eh? There is nothing wrong with you. If you don't want to teach him, make him read up on what to do. He's the macho, right? He can take it :) Have amazon send him a copy of "sex for dummies", it's a warm, useful, well-written book, despite the awkward title.

    Another think worth trying would be to explore some intimate, non-sex bedroom activities. Light a few candles, try a massage? If massage sounds to elaborate, just get some neutral skin cream and rub that all each other's bodies.
  12. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Have him lick your clitoris and then have him finger your g-spot with his two fingers before having sex. If that doesn't work then nothing will.
  13. XXXXX

    XXXXX Antiquities Friend

    The good news is that you have already worked out how your bits work :tongue:......all you need to do is work out how to involve B/f.

    From what I have read most (or at least a substantial number of) women do not orgasm simply from the effect of Mr Banana drilling for oil :rolleyes: - so you are not alone by a long shot.

    You could try using your hands to both guide him / keep him in position and at the same time stimulate yourself and / or guide his fingers to do the same instead or (IMO!) with you. May work, may not - but yer don't know unless yer try. Embarrased? Always been kinda puzzled about folk (men & women) who will happily exchange bodily fluids - but be shy about talking about what they are doing. IME talking leads to greater intimacy both in the bedroom and out of - and 1 (or both!) want to discuss things but won't unless the other does..........catch 22 etc

    Or use Mr Banana as a substitute vibrator - "Spoons" works well for this.

    But most of all talk to your b/f, don't be afraid to experiment / try different stuff - everyone is different for what they like / what works. and 90% of blokes are quite happy for a woman to also be proactive - and if you talk about things between you no reason why this should be taken by him as criticism, just curiousity / adventurousness (is that a word??!) on your part - which can be very sexually stimulating in it's own right.......
  14. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni