First off, I have been getting help for almost 3 years now, I love my doctor and she has been crazy supportive over this time period and was really there for my failed attempt almost 2 years ago. So telling me to get help is not useful. I have always been pain averse so cutting or anything that may cause pain i have never thought about, but for the last week or 2 I have been meticulously planning another attempt. I have written a couple suicide notes to people i care about, even found and printed out a poem i want to leave next to my body. With little access to RX drugs i have got my hands on a few that I could. I have researched endlessly to find out what combination would be the most effective with the thought of shutting my CNS down within an 8 hour period. However there is very little help online (for obvious reasons). After my last OD attempt was terrible I have been planning to make sure I dont fail again. I have decided on combination which may do the trick. <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods>. I am not going to get into the reasons for why i feel I need to do this, but I have tried everything, from rehab centers to anti depressants to talking to friends and family. However my family is no longer there, they couldnt deal with it, and my friends have distanced themselves because of my self destructive behaviour. In other words I am left with no body. I have seriously messed up some peoples lives, ruining their careers, ruining their relationships everything a man shouldnt do.... I am out of options... (obviously me posting here means I am having doubts about wanting to do it) but is it normal for people to plan things out so extensively? Am I hoping someone catches on and stops me? Or is it just my nerves? Like wet feet at a wedding, scared of surviving it again, scared the pain wont go away?