Help! (trigger)

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by ccook, Jul 28, 2010.

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  1. ccook

    ccook New Member

    First off, I have been getting help for almost 3 years now, I love my doctor and she has been crazy supportive over this time period and was really there for my failed attempt almost 2 years ago. So telling me to get help is not useful.
    I have always been pain averse so cutting or anything that may cause pain i have never thought about, but for the last week or 2 I have been meticulously planning another attempt. I have written a couple suicide notes to people i care about, even found and printed out a poem i want to leave next to my body. With little access to RX drugs i have got my hands on a few that I could. I have researched endlessly to find out what combination would be the most effective with the thought of shutting my CNS down within an 8 hour period. However there is very little help online (for obvious reasons). After my last OD attempt was terrible I have been planning to make sure I dont fail again. I have decided on combination which may do the trick. <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods>.

    I am not going to get into the reasons for why i feel I need to do this, but I have tried everything, from rehab centers to anti depressants to talking to friends and family. However my family is no longer there, they couldnt deal with it, and my friends have distanced themselves because of my self destructive behaviour. In other words I am left with no body. I have seriously messed up some peoples lives, ruining their careers, ruining their relationships everything a man shouldnt do....

    I am out of options...
    (obviously me posting here means I am having doubts about wanting to do it)

    but is it normal for people to plan things out so extensively? Am I hoping someone catches on and stops me? Or is it just my nerves? Like wet feet at a wedding, scared of surviving it again, scared the pain wont go away?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 28, 2010
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You want relief of the pain and sadness not death you want to have better days of stability longer days of happiness i know you said you have tried but not everything every therapy every type of medication new ones out there today you haven't tried yet always hope always new methods just takes the one right combination and you will feel that happiness Saphris new med lots more talk okay to your doctors keep talking and push for new things to get you feeling better
     
  3. ccook

    ccook New Member

    The point is though that how longer do I keep trying? A year 2 years? How long before it ends? New doctors, new medicine all costs money, and my parents are already basically bankrupt because of all the medical help I have needed. But anyway point of the post was... Is it normal to plan it out like this?
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Many people have planned it out yes with depression i think it is normal. There are universities that give therapy for really reasonable pricing Meds that you can get from doctor that are cheaper in price i find therapy the best always a way to heal some it takes a year some 2 some 4 everyone is different heal differently but there is treatment for depression that works take care
     
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