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help (triggering)

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by GhostOfYou, Mar 13, 2007.

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  1. GhostOfYou

    GhostOfYou Well-Known Member

    I need help. badly
    Here I am again...same old problems
    I'm very upset right now and I don't know why. I want help..but I'm really not sure how to explain things.
    I'm very depressed and suicidal right now.
    I've cut a lot tonight, and I remember how much I missed the feeling and I want to feel the pain again, more and more.

    I feel numb, I so badly want pain.
    I'm so afraid I'm going to do something...

    sorry. I'm sorry
  2. TLA

    TLA Antiquitie's Friend

    I hope you do not do anything. Send me PM if you need. We are all hurting and struggling. Try to do anything that will take your mind off of suicide thoughts. (music, games, writing or cooking).
    I know that although you hurt so very much, you are also strong and want to face things. Inside your head you want to smile.

    I care.
  3. Robin

    Robin Guest

    I don't know anything about you but you are welcome to post here what you can relate to and hopefully we can help stimulate some of the answers that you are seeking within yourself, don't clam up, keep on talking, even if it doesn't make sense to you at the time.
  4. GhostOfYou

    GhostOfYou Well-Known Member

    Things just went from bad to worse
    I seriously think I'm done here
    and I'm sorry to everyone I've hurt along the way :sad:

    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 15, 2007
  5. letdown

    letdown Guest

    GhostofYou are you still around?

    How did things go from bad to worse? What are the same old problems you talked about in your first post?

  6. GhostOfYou

    GhostOfYou Well-Known Member

    I'm still around..I wish it wasn't for long thought.
    Life hurts too much :sad: I want to die.
    depression, SH, issues with my family...we basicly lost everything and this time I can't pick up the pieces.

    I want to go far far away but I have nowhere to go :(
    Do you know what it's like to not be wanted?
    My mom just had her 6th kid, my dad had his 6th kid over a yera ago. I have a million brothers and sisters...not to mention half and step too. My parents don't want us. They keep shiping us back and forth from my moms to my dads house and I don't want to be at my dads :(
    I've been here for weeks.

    I just want to die :(
  7. letdown

    letdown Guest

    Yes, it's awful not to feel wanted and feeling neglected by your parents. :hug:

    Would you prefer to be with your mom?

    Have you tried telling your parents how unwanted you feel? I was wondering, as maybe your brothers and sisters feel the same :( Can you talk to any one of them?
  8. GhostOfYou

    GhostOfYou Well-Known Member

    I'd rather be with my mom but I can't
    where do you go when neither parent wants you?
    I'd run away, but I'm 14...I want to finish high school befor I leave forever.
    and my family, they're so dependet on me. I hate it.
    It's soo...hard to explain

    I went away with a friend of myne for a week a few weeks ago. When I got home, my closest sister in age said things were so great without me...so, quiet and peacefull with none of my little breakdowns and "dramatic episodes" and "picking fights" and always needing a ride here and there, and how life was so easy without "all my little friednds and social life getting in the way of our family"
    she said time just stopped...and everyone was so..

    well anyway, they don't need or want me.
    For all those I've hurt, I apologize...but I've become everything I always told myself to never become.
    I'm a danger to myself.
    I'm...not who I used to be and I don't know what I've become or where I'm going in life.

    And life hurts all too much.
    I just...can't live anymore :sad:
    and nothing's helping
  9. letdown

    letdown Guest

    :sad: ((((((((GhostofYou))))))))))))

    The things I quote- they seem to be attached to other people's comments of you- maybe you're carrying a lot of hurt that was thrown at you by your sister that doesn't belong to you. When people say things that hurt, they could be for a lot of reasons- maybe your sister felt jealous at the attention you were getting for being in understandable pain or having friends. Because when I read what your sister said, I see a lot of pain in what she says, a reflection on maybe how she feels herself, rather than an attack on you. And how she feels may be more linked to your parents and home environment than you. All this can seem like you are unwanted and unloved.

    I'm glad you're wanting to get through highschool. When this happens the possibilities to live independently away from home open up. This won't last forever. When will you go and stay with your mother? If it's possible, and if you are able I think it'd be a good idea to let your mother know how unwanted you feel.

    Do you see a therapist or school counsellor? :hug:
    Last edited: Mar 16, 2007
  10. GhostOfYou

    GhostOfYou Well-Known Member

    thanks letdown, what you said makes a lot of sence.
    I've tried to tell my mom..I told my doctor befor, she told my mom to get me help and recomended a theripist (the state will pay for it because our family can't aford) but we never got around to it I guess. My mom got real busy with things a few months ago back when things started to get crazy again =/

    I can't talk to her about it. I've thretend to kill myself befor, but she always goes "oh, pleeeease" and rolls her eyes. She doesn't know about my cutting, and I know for a fact what she thinks of it..she doesn't understand it at all.
    I don't think it's that she doesn't belive me. She's had depression her whole life. It's just that she's got too many kids, too much to deal with. To her, I'm just anoter problem to deal with.
    For awhile she used it as a thret..." <insert my name here>, stop craving attention! Now if you want someone to complain to, I'll call some shrink and you can talk to him or her."
    When I'd break down crying in the middle of the kitchen like I do all the time while my whole family watches, she's all "caring and understanding".." I'm sorry I havn't been able to be there for you guys. Things will get better, I'm going to get you help"
    ..never happens.
    Now we've lost the state insurence, and so now I've lost my chance because we don't have the money.

    highschool, well I havn't started yet =/ I begin in September.

    sorry to the long post. It felt good to get some things out

    I just don't know what to do. I'm just so so fucked up, I can't deal with all this shit anymore :sad:
    I just want to faid away
    it hurts too bad
  11. letdown

    letdown Guest

    That sounds so painful. The whole 2 faces thing- your mother being unhelpful and then overly-the-top understanding in front of an audience. :hug:

    I hope that in highschool there'll be a school counsellor there. I'm glad you feel better letting things out here too.

    :hug: I feel for you. Young people have very little say and voice when it comes to situations like this. I don't know much about the medical system in the US but perhaps there are voluntary organisations for young people you could look into.

    Wish I could be of more help really. Take care of yourself.
  12. GhostOfYou

    GhostOfYou Well-Known Member

    No, it's okay, you've done so much, thank you so much.

    Maybe I'll look into it. I don't know...maybe I should just let it go.
    Everyone has a lot to deal with, I don't want to be a problem.

    I don't know...I just want to..faid away
    I'm so sorry if I've waisted any time.
    It just hurts so bad :( everything
  13. letdown

    letdown Guest

    You've not wasted anyone's time. :hug: I know that hurt feeling well and it's very difficult to work through them when you're living in a situation like this in the present.

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