Help w/my suicidal Mom...feeling hopeless

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by csnyde01, Mar 24, 2012.

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  1. csnyde01

    csnyde01 New Member

    It's great to find a community like this, people willing to help each other through tough times and provide sage advice. I'm hoping someone can do the same for me. It all started about a year ago when my Grandma, my Mom's Mom, passed away from cancer. The two were very close and it's been really hard on my Mom. She told me she was feeling depressed but that she went to the dr and received anti-depressants along with sleeping pills. This was great, because it meant she was getting the help I felt she needed. However, this was apparently a big lie. She's been drinking, which she told me she hasn't, her house is a wreck and she's become a hoarder, and on Sunday night she attempted to take her own life. Her best friend called me and I sprung into action, talking with the therapists, psychiatrist, hospital...basically anyone I could to get advise. She was checked into a psych facility, however they don't provide the necessary support she needs. She gets to see a Dr for 30 minutes and is left to watch TV the remainder of the day. I totally agreed that this wasn't the right setting for her, she needs to talk with people and work for more than 30 minutes. Last night she was released and was in good spirits, staying with her best friend. I got a call this morning from that best friend and apparently last night she snuck drinking in and became extremely depressed again. My mom said she didn't care about if it hurt me to kill herself, she just wanted the paint to stop. Today she did go to the group therapy session today that I enrolled her in, but she tried to get out of it until her friend said she had to go. If she doesn't want the help, how do you "Make" someone get it? I can't watch her 24 hours a day, and it's not fair to my family to have to try and do that.

    I'm not sure what to do because she tells me everything I guess she thinks I want to hear, but then tells her friend other stuff. And I don't want her to stop talking to her best friend about this, so I can't ask my mom about it and betray her friends confidence.

    But if I check her into another psych facility, she's not going to get the necessary help she needs only seeing a dr for 30 minutes. Does anyone have any advice?
  2. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi csnyde :smile: Your mum doesn't want the help, but she does need the help. You need to be firm with her and say so, and that there are other ways her pain will stop, other than ending her life - because the fact is that no one has any proof at all that suicide will get your mum what she's looking for.

    OK, ...... so, ...... 'society' frowning on ppl taking their lives is one thing - but there HAS to be something else in its place to provide a real alternative. It will not be as sudden, or as "simple" a solution, but if it can be presented to your Mom as the beginning of her journey out of a black pit - there IS a ladder there, even tho she can't see it - and there is a guide/guides who can help her find the first rung on the ladder out. Saying you understand that she's in a black pit, but there is hope, is the start she may be wanting to hear, and it might spark a little light within her to want to cooperate and see it as like climbing onto the first rung, etc....

    I dunno if you will find this helpful, or not. But I offer it anyway and wish you all the very best. Blessings and strength :smile:
  3. Descendant

    Descendant Account Closed

    I think you've done all you can from a daughter standpoint, which is a lot. Personally I can't think of anything that you haven't already tried, except maybe to tell her that you know what she's telling you isn't the truth and that you want the truth from her without revealing any details that only her friend could know. It's very wise of you not to do anything that could compromise your mothers friendship as it sounds like that is her only lifeline right now. But if you can get your mother to open up with you and reciprocate as she has with her best friend I believe it would help.

    I hope you don't feel as though your mother doesn't trust you enough to lean on you as much as her friend, because it's more likely that she simply doesn't want to feel like she's a burden to you - or feel that you haven't done enough for her. It's obvious that you love your mother deeply and you've shown as much to her wither she acknowledges it or not. And you're right, you can't force someone to improve. They have to want to change to begin with, and if they don't there's little to nothing you can do other than be there when they come around. Either way she's extremely lucky to have you as a daughter.

    There is one thing I would like to know, what toll has your mothers condition taken on you? It must be very hard to watch her go through her depression and supporting her so much through it all.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 24, 2012
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