Help with a depressed girl

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Chicago3223, Aug 20, 2010.

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  1. Chicago3223

    Chicago3223 Guest

    I dated a girl in college for 8 months. It turns out she must have a mental illness, but has never been diagnosed/treated. We broke up one month ago because she said it hurt too much to be in a relationship. She recently spiraled into depression. She told me breaking up was a mistake. She called me, and told me that at the end of our conversation she was going to commit suicide. Not a threat, just a fact. She said because of her condition we couldn't be together, and she can't change her illness. She said she can't imagine a life without me, so she was going to kill herself. I told her if we got help there could be hope for us. This kept her from killing herself. We only dated for 8 months, and given all the trauma (after we broke up) I won't ever have romantic feelings for her again. But her belief that I will is keeping her alive. What do I do?
     
  2. fallingangie

    fallingangie Well-Known Member

    damnnn....well you can take her to a counsellor or psychiatrist maybe..get her professional help..n while doing so don't let yourself get too carried away with her, just try to keep it like friends. Once she recovers from the illness after all those treatments, then you can tell her that you cannot be with her anymore. She might understand then, cuz by then she will be a normal person without such mental illness. But keep this is mind!!! Do not give her false hopes of relationship while helping her out with the cure she needs. Tell her that its more important to overcome the illness at present, rather than thinking about geting back with you.
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You cannot take on this girl problems okay take her to a professional get her help yes definetly but let her know she needs to work on herself now get strong and that a relationship is not wise at this point in her life she needs to concentrate only on her and getting well.
     
  4. Tim.

    Tim. SF Emoti-King

    First, you are not responsible for this girl. That might sound cold, but she cut the cord and her now telling you how sick she is and how much she needs you does not create any obligation on your part to get back together with her or make sure she is okay. The fact that you want to make sure she is okay is good though, and admirable.

    Second, I wouldn't assume her problem is anything that can be fixed quickly by you or by a professional. There are many people on here that have been struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts for years or even decades. Making a commitment to help until she is better may or may not be something you are really up for.

    Third, it's probably impossible for you to know if she is a serious danger to herself. I'm sure she is suffering greatly, but that and talking about suicide does not necessarily mean she will attempt anything. She might, but are you the best person to make that determination and deal with the consequences?

    Not knowing any more, my recommendation is to talk to her parents. Just give them a call or send an e-mail and tell them the situation. They are probably the best people to deal with this, as they are going to want to make sure their daughter is safe and happy for the long-term.

    There may be exceptions to this, and in that case I would suggest finding someone else. I would recommend a family figure (sibling, aunt/uncle, etc.) or a professional (counselor, teacher, etc.) over a friend. Also I would stay away from anyone at her place of work if that is in play.

    That is how I see it anyway. I'm sure this isn't an easy situation for you or for her, and I can't promise anything will really work. But I hope this helps and I wish you both good luck.
     
  5. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    For one what you are trying to do may seem like helping, but lying to her is hurting her more than the truth ever would. I know that you feel pressured to lie to her since she put you on the spot like this, but there is another way. Explain to her that life will go on without you and that she will find someone that will fit her better. Be honest about how you do not appreciate this tactic to get you back and respectfully suggest that she gets help. Offer to give her what you can [friendship] if that is possible and let her know that you care, but the romance could never be. Explain to her that you do not want her to die, but she is trying to take away your happiness by forcing you to pretend to feel and act as something you do not. I would take her to a mental hospital, and be there for her when she admits herself and excourage her to get better for her future happiness as well. JMPO. :hug:
     
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