Help with a friend.

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by PeterIsntMyRealName, Oct 30, 2007.

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  1. I originally joined this forum for myself. I've done a lot of lurking, some posting. The reason I am posting now is about my friend. Here is the story.

    She is 17, dreams of getting out of the hell hole she has... wants to be a Marine. She was molested as a child, beaten, abandoned, never had a stable parent, home, or anything.
    I am basically her only salvation. She is a part of my family. She only has me, and she is my only true friend.

    She is in an emotionally abusive relationship, she doesn't talk about it much, and assures me its not a problem, but she has given me some signs and I know how he treats her.

    She does things sexually "to make him happy".
    She tells me things like,
    "Its not like that because I know he is capable of doing better because he has before"
    "I love him so I can't just leave him"

    This weekend, we were going to a concert we had been looking forward to for 4 months. He went on a trip to with his friend and promised to be home, but his friend wanted to stay another night so they had a fight. He ended up breaking up with her (again).

    The next day he was ignoring her, accepting her text messages just to ignore it, mind games. We went to the show. She was still on about it and I said, "Please. Drop it for one night". She did and we had the best time imaginable.

    I have never felt as alive as I did that night, this was our best memory ever.

    Now, it is tainted.

    We got home at 3am, I went to sleep at like 530-6am. She called me at 11am, crying. The first thing she said was I can't breathe, I assumed it was from crying. She said something else but I couldn't make it out, I was still half asleep and then she said "I am going to bed" and hung up.

    I went back to sleep. Texted her when I woke up, and it was her brother with her phone, calling me saying she tried to commit suicide.

    She was sent to a local hospital, and then to a children's hospital 45 minutes away and was in ICU.

    She is responding now, her stomach couldn't be pumped because it had digested or something. She was on a heart monitor and breathing machine but is now breathing on her own, and is talking a little.


    I was too tired to care about what she was saying when she called me, or take it seriously. If she had died, she would have left me with that guilt.

    I don't know where to begin, how to get her out of that relationship, or to finally open up about her molestation to her family, or any of that.

    On top of that, I am so mad at her. I feel so betrayed, so hurt, and so distant.

    I am going to see her tomorrow, I don't know what to say.

    I can't be there for her if she doesn't recognize that she needs drastic changes from within, not from the people around her. If I am losing her, it is now, not when she suceeds next time.
  2. jcat

    jcat Staff Alumni

    peter, for starters, i feel for you, i am in a similar situation with a friend. i'm not sure what to say to help you out at the moment. but i will say this, she needs you to stay by her side and not leave her. she needs a friend and it sounds like you are a real friend.
    we all need at least one. please do not abandon her, but i know where you are coming from.
    feel free to pm me or find me on msn
    take care
  3. Darkness N Light

    Darkness N Light Staff Alumni

    First off let me say that I am proud of you for trying to help her through this. Secondly I would like to say that unforunately no matter how much we may want to we can't make other people do something they are not willing to do. Maybe you could try to introduce her into this site and see if she responds to others who are in or have been in the situation that she finds herself in.
    I have to agree with jcat she needs you now more than ever. Whatever you do, do not turn your back on her. The only thing you can do is be there for her and listen when she needs to talk. You really do not have a reason to feel guilty sweetie. You had no clue what was going on. When you go to see her I would suggest you give her a hug and let her know that you are there for her. That is all that you really can do.
    Also let her know that no guy is worth harming herself over. How old is she if I may ask? You do have a right to feel hurt and betrayed. I wish I could take it away from you. This is not easy for anyone to go through reguardless if it is someone committing suicide or trying to but failing at it. I know the pain it causes both ways. If you ever need to talk feel free to send me a pm and I will get back to you as soon as I get it. Take care and I love you. :hug: :cheekkiss :hug: :cheekkiss :hug: :cheekkiss :hug: :cheekkiss

    With Love,
    Crystal :hug: :cheekkiss
  4. Well, she spent a week in a mental facility after the hospital. They said she had a 90% chance to die.. and lived. ..I'm really grateful, I don't really believe in god, but I guess there is something/someone I owe a really big thanks to... I feel like theres nothing we can't do now, like there is a reason this happened. By all means she should be dead and buried but she has another chance, and its really amazing.

    She is still in contact with the boyfriend, but I am on her ass about it. She knows what she put her family through and I think that there won't be a next time. I'm still going to push for her to move on, but it has to be a decision she makes, really.

    I'm just thankful I have my best friend still, I really can't face this world alone. ..Thanks to everyone who listened to me in chat and posted. :)
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