Help with avoidance?

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by serena, Jan 23, 2011.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. serena

    serena Well-Known Member

    I have a serious problem with avoiding. Everything. School, school-work, friends, therapy work (still go but avoid anything upsetting-aka the content that helps you get better), going to sleep, waking up once i'm asleep... the list goes on. I don't know what to do about this. All of my therapists, school, and my parents know it is a problem for me but no one's advice has worked out so far. It is really messing up my life, making my depression worse, and just causing so much stress. Any help is appreciated or even just hearing if you have a similar problem.

    *I do have an executive-functioning disorder that is yet to be treating which is likely relevant. I also have depression, generalized anxiety, and borderline personality disorder.
  2. serena

    serena Well-Known Member

    no one else is an avoider? :/
  3. Well-Known Member

    I am. Wish I could help you, but I can't even help myself with this.
  4. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    I'm an avoider too, and have Avoidant Personality Disorder. There isn't much advice I can give other than to get referred to a CBT specialist by your doctor or a psychologist, so that they can help you stop.
  5. Datura

    Datura Well-Known Member

    Can you pinpoint your reasoning for avoiding?
  6. Young suicider

    Young suicider Well-Known Member

    Well let's put it this way 14.9999 years old so I'm a teenager and what do teenager do?Text!Here's how much I have texted daily average the past 3 years.

    14-Less than one.(Not the great year of my life.
    ^That basically sums up my past year pretty good.

    I try to avoid some of my long time freinds.Like one now I just avoid because they had their moments of depression and they would likely catch on to mine if I talked to them.So I avoid them
  7. georgeo10yal

    georgeo10yal Well-Known Member

    avoiding everything sucks i hate it i feel like if i say one thing people will flip shit on me and ill crawl in a corner and die so i try to not talk to people and i hate it thats one reason why i wanna kill myself
  8. Well-Known Member

    I just came out on facebook about my mental health. It's gotten to be too much to keep it hidden.
  9. Natteravn

    Natteravn New Member

    I´ve been dealing with avoidance for several years and it does seem to be improving a little, i´m more aware of it and its dreadful effects. After having therapy and with proper medication I´m trying to fight it but its not been easy. My main issue is comes from other peoples judgement/criticism and failure(my own). I avoid things that can put me in situations where I feel i´m gonna be judged and observed and ultimately criticized and or situations where I feel i´m not in control. As for the failure factor, i tend to not try anything because I fear doing something extremely wrong or because i know I´m gonna fail miserably, my self-loathing and self-criticism keeps me from experiencing life as it should be. I have lost many opportunities business-wise and romantically because of that.
    The paradox is that I´m hypersensitive to and fear cricism and rejection and yet I criticize myself and create unachievable goals.
    I figured out that – and this may be of some use to you – when I avoid certain situations its because it triggers an old trauma and or I´m mentally restaging traumas. Even though I know that people are not actually judging me or out to get me, I can´t help but believe they are. I have been criticized in several situations and it had a devastating impact on me, so whenever I see myself in a social scenario that resembles such trauma I shut down and isolate myself and run away from the situation. Sooner or later I´m gonna reach the same point and again I´m gonna restage my trauma and so on and so forth.
    I´ve never been in a relationship other than friendships, but I have very few friends, alway have, I have a hard time trusting people, to the point where I put them through pyschological tests to see if they are out to get me or not.
    I´m not sure if my paranoid and over analytical behaviour fits AvPD, perhaps its connected to something else.
    My point is, don´t force yourself to deal with everything at once, take one step at a time. Sleeping its a great way to start, you mentioned that you avoid going to bed, I see a pattern there, by not sleeping you are fabricating a way out to not deal with social situations that make you anxious and scared, sleep deprivation makes us feel less anxious but its because the brain is too busy overcompensating the lack of sleep, plus you have a good excuse to avoid getting up early and miss school and etc. Its a vicious cycle, so Its a good place to start. But again, take one step at a time, the more you rush it and force yourself, the harder it gets.
  10. gakky1

    gakky1 Well-Known Member

    Yeah, looks like a few of us, I'm like though where I don't have the answers but suffer from it too. I mainly avoid life in general, such as people or for a while now avoiding new things or changes.:lone: Feel really ashamed and bad about myself so if I avoid people and things than they can't make me feel any lower, sorry if it doesn't make much sense it's hard to put why I avoid others so they don't make me feel bad and most of the time they don't, it's me who's doing it.:nerd: Plus I have a problem with avoiding my problems or opening up like you do serena, even here where I shoudn't still avoid opening up, plus like you will say the 'right' things to your therapist but not the ones to make you feel better. Wish I knew how we could overcome this, I'd really like to stop the avoiding here but unsure how to.:unsure:
  11. serena

    serena Well-Known Member

    Thank you guys :) . Its helpful to know that this is a serious problem for other people too, not "just another symptom". It is hard to understand. If anyone else comes up with anything maybe we should add to this thread with possible solutions?

    So far its been helpful for my therapists to know the extent to which I'm avoiding. All I have so far.. going to try getting my sleep in order and doing a little bit more in school each day. Not avoiding is scary though :hiding:
  12. gakky1

    gakky1 Well-Known Member

    Sounds like you've made a good start on it. You're right about not avoiding is scary but the longer you put it off the scaier it becomes,:sweat: take it from someone there. Good suggestion too about keeping the thread going, we need more threads that keep on going instead of the writer or others forgetting about it after a couple of days...keep in touch.:smile:
  13. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    I'm actually starting to be content with my avoidance problems. As long as my anxiety is somehow kept in order and not freaked out, I should be able to survive.

    I've come to realise I'm just that kind of person that can survive on their own. Or would atleast rather. Of course this changes form time to time. But I find life so much easier to bare when I'm alone :).
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.