Help With Girlfriend

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by JZ1267, Apr 1, 2008.

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  1. JZ1267

    JZ1267 New Member

    My girlfriend and I have been dating for just over six months now. We are closer to each other than anyone else in the world and I am very afraid for her. During the last two weeks, she has been going through some major problems with her parents (them threatening to cut her off financially if she doesn't comply with everything they tell her to do) and she just hasn't been the same since then.

    She has tried numerous times in the past to commit suicide and cut herself a lot as well. She has only done it twice since we have been together, but we talked about it and I helped her get over it.

    Now, I have no experience whatsoever with this type of situation, so I am not quite sure what to do. During class today, she was writing in her notebook and I caught a glimpse of a few things. She wrote, "I wish I could just sleep forever", "I wish I could just go away", and "Everything I do aggravates him (me)". We haven't been having any relationship problems, so I'm not too worried about that and have no idea what she is talking about when she says that everything aggravates me. Now, she hasn't been sleeping well for the last week. She wakes up constantly and can in no way sleep through the entire night. She wants to take Tylenol PM to help her sleep, but I'm worried that one day she's going to decide to take too many of them.

    Even though she's having problems with her parents, she's horribly homesick. She's going home from college this weekend to talk to her parents about this whole financial situation. I'm just worried that some bad things are going to happen while she's there and she just won't be coming back.

    Sorry this is kind of rushed, so if something isn't clear just ask a question. Please any advice would be great since I don't want to see the love of my life hurt herself.
  2. JZ1267

    JZ1267 New Member

    Sorr, but I forgot to mention a few things about her situation. She won't stop talking about how much she hates herself and the way she is. I constantly tell her how much everyone around her loves her, how beautiful she is, and how much she means to me. Most of the time she just chuckles and looks at me like I'm stupid when I tell her these kinds of things. I have considered calling her parents and talking with them about it, since I am somewhat close to her father, but I don't believe it would help. They are the type who won't listen to a word she says when a situation like this comes up. They just yell at her. I just want some kind of adivice on how to deal with her. Thank you so much for anything you can tell me.
  3. diver200

    diver200 Senior Member

    Sounds like she is suffering from major depression. If she has "only tried twice" in the six months since you have known her, it is probably safe to say that her problems are tougher and harder to deal with then just having a supporting boy friend can do. The best thing you can do for her is to help her seek professional help, and to support her in her efforts to deal with her issues with that professional. Take care
  4. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    this is pretty serious, and i agree with diver, will take more than your love and support alone to fix. when you are that suicidal your life is very much in danger. your thinking is distorted by your self-hatred, your options seem fewer and fewer until suicide is the only solution.

    she needs professional help to climb out of this depression. is there a health clinic at school? start there. what you are looking for is a referral to mental health services. if there's a long wait list, go somewhere else.

    was she offered any supports after the last attempts? maybe get her back in touch with those.

    i would ask her outright if she has any specific plans to kill herself, and if she has the means at hand, and if she has a timeline. if it's yes to any of those questions she's in big trouble. you cannot know what's in her head but prepare yourself, it could be quite distressing.

    good luck

  5. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    Do you love her? Does she love you? If its so, ask her to be your wife. You will spend your life so happy, both of you.
    And im not joking, im serious, do it.
  6. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi JZ. Do her parents like you? Maybe they want her to break up with you? I know that some parents can be overprotective of their daughters and threatenting to cut her off financially if she doesn't comply is a cruel control tactic. Find out what her parents want her to do and see if you can help her to reason with them.
  7. JZ1267

    JZ1267 New Member

    What I mean when I say she has only cut twice is that from what I understand, she did it a LOT up until a year prior to us getting together. After the second time, we had a long talk about why she did it and such. She promised me she wouldn't do it again and hasn't, even with this horrible situation up in the air. I asked her if she was wanting to do it after this mess started and she said no, because she promised me that she wouldn't do it and also said that she just wanted to get away from her old life of doing things like that.

    I asked her point blank last night after she got off of work if she was planning on doing anything to herself and she said no. She gave me a few reasons as to why she wasn't going to do that. One was that, as I told you she said earlier, she didn't want to be a part of that life anymore. Another was that she loved me very much and didn't want to hurt me or be seperated from me in anyway whatsoever. I also asked her directly about what she had written in her notebook. She said that she didn't mean any of it. She said that she just wrote things like that because when she does, it helps her to get over her bad feelings. She said she had no intentions in going through with it.

    Now, her parents like me a lot. I am pretty close with her Dad and her Mom seems to like me just fine. That fact aside, her mom wants her to date many different guys in college. She doesn't understand that my girlfriend is happy with me and doesn't want to date twenty different guys.

    Thank you guys so much for the advice. It will help a lot with this situation.
  8. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i'm glad you were able to have a frank conversation with her. it's a long process to heal from self-harm and thoughts of suicide, so i'd still encourage her to build in some professional supports, even though she may not be in crisis right now. it can only make her stronger, and strengthen your relationship too.

    hope it goes well this weekend, perhaps you can agree that you will check in with her at specific points over the weekend so she knows she's not alone. (... that's a trick the community nurse uses with me.... LOL)....
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