Help with suicidal ex

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Sengo, Oct 12, 2011.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Sengo

    Sengo New Member

    As the topic says i'm desperate need of advice regarding a suicidal ex girlfriend. We broke up about a month ago and recently she got in contact with me. She's confessed that she tried to overdose and if it wasn't for her brother finding her she would of died from liver failure, she spent three days in hospital and i never even knew. She's in therapy now; once a week or more and only me and her family knows.

    I guess my problem is dealing with this, i haven't spoken to her for the whole month and it feels like i'm letting myself into a whole realm of complications. It's upsetting; but she won't believe i even care and then of course there is the added factor that i'm an ex and it's more than complicated from that perspective.

    Heavens knows i want to help her, I've dealt with similar things before with an old friend of mine but she never actually attempted it and though we used to be like best friends, obviously with any ex it's not that simple.

    She was beginning to develop eating problems towards the end of our relationship and that is also an element and part of the cause of this i assume. Regardless of the amount i used to try and reassure her, there's no way on earth she'd believe me when i told her how beautiful she is. She's no where close to overweight, she has an optimum BMI, and she knows it. Her family life has been pretty rough and i guess that is a contributory factor, as well as bullying in her earlier school years, I've also experienced this and i understand the impact this can have on someone. I hope this is a wake up call for her family and a realization that those dormant feelings she had within her are real.

    I'm torn between logic and emotion and i don't know what to do, we was together for almost a year and of course; i still have feelings for her. Logically i know i'm going to get dragged in by my emotions and end up in a complicated mess of feelings and that may not be the best thing for either of us.

    I Don't think her family really understand, they've never spent the countless hours i have talking to her and i don't want her to be alone with these feelings for fear she might actually end her own life. She's only 17 and i want her to see that though the world is cruel, it as cruel as it is beautiful.

    Any opinions, advice, help or anything right now would be very much welcome.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun you cannot help her okay let the doctors help her You are an ex do not get drawn into this She needs to focus on one thing herself and healing You getting into the picture will only confuse things for her. Let her parent and professionals take care of her okay and you take care of you .
     
  3. Sengo

    Sengo New Member

    She doesn't want me to turn her away. She said she came to me because she needs someone who actually understands her in a way that isn't just professional and that she misses me. Her parents aren't much help in terms of her emotional well being. They mean well they just don't do that whole caring parent thing and dismissed all the things that led her here as nothing, her mum didn't even want her to go to a therapist because she thought it was just her attention seeking before this actual a tempt.

    Yeah, i agree she needs to focus on sorting her mind set out - but can i live with myself knowing that maybe i could of helped her just a little bit if she does actually end her own life. I've built that girl up, helped her with confidence and done my very best.

    Though we're not in a relationship it feels like what you are saying is forget about her just because she's an 'ex', well she wasn't just my ex she was my best friend too. If only i could just detach my feelings from the situation at the snap of my fingers.

    But thank you for taking time out of your day to read this, i appreciate that.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 12, 2011
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    what i am saying is let her focus on herself now You can listen yes but if you cannot detach then that will cause more problems she will depend on you instead of her own strengths. She needs professioanl help if she is to get better and to stay better.
     
  5. Isabel

    Isabel Staff Alumni

    I would tend to agree with Total Eclipse. Whatever she need to rebuild, she has to do it on solid foundations and if you two broke, your relationship aint it. Sorry to be so blunt, but this will end up in an emotional mess both for you and for her, even if it brings you and her a temporary relief. And from what you wrote, you already know that. From the little you wrote, she may have codependency issues, which she definitely needs to work on her own.
     
  6. Sengo

    Sengo New Member

    Maybe i'm just bias but i don't see leaving someone on there own, with no close friends an emotionally distant family and a desire to kill themselves a morally right choice. It could happen at anytime and it seems a like a very real possibility that this world will lose a lovely, kind person. However, I decided i'd let her choose and explained my worries to her about how things could get complicated as softly as i can and that if she feels she needs someone just to listen, i would. If she doesn't want that we'll have to say goodbye. I can't sleep over this and i'm more worried than I've been in years.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 13, 2011
  7. Entoloma43

    Entoloma43 Well-Known Member

    In my opinion, you should avoid speaking with her. It will only complicate your life unnecessarily.
     
  8. Sengo

    Sengo New Member

    As a final update I've decided that despite how much i want to help her and give her the emotional support she needs, i can't commit to that.

    We had an extended conversation so i could gauge exactly what it is she wanted by contacting me. She said a 'friend' and though ordinarily i wouldn't ever be a friend with an ex for obvious reasons, i thought she deserved someone she trusts in her life considering she's not getting along with her therapist at all.

    She reviled that she just wants 'affection', the implications being a boyfriendy type relationship with none of the commitment, not that i'd want either of those things considering the circumstance.

    I'll just have to draw the line for both of our sake's. There's no way in hell i'm going to be essentially used for anyone and i don't want her to become dependent on my reassurance. I might check in on her from time to time but in general i'll keep my emotional distance.

    Thanks for all the input - i hope all of you who took the time to read this have a lovely day, week and rest of your life.

    Sengo
     
  9. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    So glad you resolved this for yourself...I am sure your decision was not an easy one...hope you can know you are not to blame for her disorder...J
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.