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Help with suicidal loved one

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lostandconfused1, Nov 30, 2010.

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  1. lostandconfused1

    lostandconfused1 New Member

    Help with suicidal loved one - crisis

    Someone, anyone, please hear me out. This load is getting too hard to hold on my own. I just have to let it out.

    My (now ex) boyfriend is very serious about harming himself in a few weeks. He broke up with me about 2 weeks ago, and I sense from what he has told me that he did so because he began plotting his suicide and wanted to distance himself so that the shock wouldn't be "as bad" on me. About a week ago, he began confiding in me his plans to kill himself after his mother's birthday. The amount of detail he has placed into his plot is so frightening; he has worked everything out to a tee, and I have never encountered anyone as on-the-brink as he is.

    Yesterday, about a week after spelling out his plans, he invited me over and apologized greatly for hurting me and breaking up with me, and said that it's needed. Despite this, he professed how much he loved me, held me and cried, and kissed me as if to never see me again. I asked him about his plans very frankly, and he remained quiet so as to not ruin the moment he seemed to be trying to savor. What caused me to not break out in total panic was his making reference to a future for him, such as saying that it will be a long time before he considers dating again and finding a partner. He also told me I know where to find him if I need a friend, that he'll always be here for me. These contradictory messages left me utterly confused.

    Today: Though we loosely talk-- he refuses to speak often-- he contacted me tonight, telling me that he feels sad, that he's sick of feeling sad, and that his plot is still on. He had even more details spelled out, and tried to talk me into promising not to tell anybody. I told him I couldn't guarantee that. The problem is, I don't know exactly when he is plotting this for (he only says "in a few weeks") so I don't know what is appropriate to do right now. I know forcing him into a mental hospital for a hold would infuriate him to the point that he would likely want to harm himself further. He absolutely loathes and despises the mental health industry, and to be forced to be shut in a hospital would cause his desire to kill himself to become tenfold. That is why I am trying to seek other options before I go on to the last resort-- one that I know I would have to make despite how negatively affected by it he would become.

    And now, he texted me and asked me if I would make sure he would be up early tomorrow -- something he had never asked me to do even when we were together. I told him yes, but asked him why, and he evaded the question. I probed once more and asked him if he needed to be up for school, and once again he evaded it.

    Please help me, anybody. What should I do in the meantime? What do you think this all means?
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 30, 2010
  2. A1231988

    A1231988 Well-Known Member

    If you think he's definitely going to kill himself soon you NEED to tell somebody. I doubt going to the hospital is going to increase the chances of him killing himself. There are a lot of professionals that have dealt with a lot of suicidal patients. They know how to talk to them and they know what to do. Regardless, it sounds like he's planning to soon anyway, so it's better to intervene and try to save his life.
  3. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    you have to tell someone a doctor,teacher,anyone
    if the mental health system would increase his thoughts isnt it better that way as they can control it?
    you cant stand by and let this occur as it would drag you down with him
  4. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    take him to the doctor's at once. he will not thank you for it now but once he starts to feel better he will forgive you. you can't do this alone. a part of him does not want to die as he has already reached out to you. you are doing the right thing by taking his comments seriously. if you can't get an emergency appt with a psychiatrist or local mental health services then start with your family doctor.

    also, keep having a frank and open conversation with him about being suicidal. you will not put ideas into his head. keep asking him how he is and if today is the day. you need to know.
  5. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    To put you through this is very manipulative, and down right mean...yes, ppl are not thinking logically at this point, but to involve you in the plot really tells a lot about him..I am sorry...he has placed you in the middle of the "if I do X he is going to kill himself" nightmare, so all you can do is your best and realize whatever he does, you ultimately have no control over...yes, contact his family, doctor, therapist and tell him/her your concerns..you says he does not like the mental health system, but he can use to participate in it...sorry you were placed in this position and that your friend is in so much pain...J
  6. lostandconfused1

    lostandconfused1 New Member

    Thanks guys. I'm going to try and contact him again soon and see where it stands. I'm afraid if I attempt contact too much it'll distance him and I will no longer be receiving updates on the situation and where he stands.

    I've already attempted and urged him to come with me to see a psychiatrist or even a counselor, but I meet those types of suggestions with a lot of resistance and withdrawal on his part. The main thing I am trying to keep is an open and supportive communication system, and I've slowed down a bit on advising him to see someone so as to not have shut down. I don't want it to drag on to a point where it becomes an emergency situation, either, but I feel that may be where this is leading.
  7. All these mixed emotions

    All these mixed emotions Well-Known Member

    Well it could be two things on his mind...

    He wants attention to his feelings and that is a sign of that he wants help... He needs you in a twisted way...

    He also seems kinnda unsure of why he wants to die, maybe you can start there...

    But if all goes to hell make sure that you call the police to drag him to the healtcare, most people actually realize their “episodes” where wrong if they are given a chance to reflect about them. Even if he dont (understandable) likes the system...

    But whats bringing him down is something you need to find out, and try to scare him with the dangers of failed suicides...

    Either way, the fact that he is kinnda open about his plan shows that he wants someone to interfere, its not uncommon that people do these things just to find out how much the others care...

    The solution is to provide a solution...

    I know its hard, but it can be done and your heart seems to belong to him, keep up with the work

  8. damage.case

    damage.case Well-Known Member

    Sounds serious. Have him 5150'd.
  9. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    I think his mom and dad might want to know if he is suicidal. You should probably tell them at least. He seems suicidal, but it also seems like he is unsure, because he was talking about the future, so there is hope. I hope that he doesn't hurt himself. :hug:
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