help with support and treatment after a suicide loss

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by khris88, Aug 11, 2008.

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  1. khris88

    khris88 Guest

    hello, I am new to the SF community.
    I am actually seeking support or information on life after a suicide loss.
    here's my story. My grandparents adopted me 3 years after my mother gave birth to me.
    My grandmother explained that she didn't want my mother to take care of me because at the time my mother had a boyfriend and my grandmother felt that they would have many conflicts concerning me. At the age of sixteen, my mother was than diagnoise with breast cancer which had recovered but later she was diagnoised with a different type of cancer which was terminal.My grandmother retired after finding out about her daughters condition. She retired to take care of my mom 24/7. My mother and I were just beginning to have a close mother and son relationship before she passed away. It was before my senior year of high school when she passed away. I felt so depressed and felt like i had no motivation, If my friends havent helped me through my senior year, I may have not graduated. I am so thankful to have friends to support me. After graduating high school, I attended an community college majoring in communication arts in the fall. We had just celebrated one year of the passing of my mother when my grandfather was developing heart problems. He's had many heart problems in the past years. As the new year came 2007, My grandfather had another open heart surgery which than resulted him retire his job and start resting. My grandfather was a hardworking man, always kept himself busy. Even if it was his dayoff, he would be at home keep himself busy cleaning or tending the garden downstairs of our apartment. But after his surgery, he was not able to work as hard as he used to. He had me doing his house duties and gave he garden away to our neighbors. 2 months after his surgery, he had an appoinment with the dentist. My grandfather was afraid he wouldnt be able to endure the pain. He had many things on his mind, He felt that now that both my grandparents are retired, he was afraid that we wouldnt be able to pay the bills, help pay for tuition for me attending college and felt that he couldnt do anything but just sit in the house with his remaining life. The morning after, My step dad had just dropped off my little sister before going to work. My grandmother was making breakfest for my sister and me when she realize that my grandfather had not return from his walk around the hallway. I was in the bathroom taking a shower when I heard my grandmother panicing. I rushed outside and she wasnt there, I got dressed and heard my grandmother crying outside of the house. I went to see and she said that my grandfather was dead. I didnt understand, did he have a heart attack. Then a group of police men were asking questions on why my grandfather commited suicide. SUICIDE! I was think out loud in my head. I was so shocked, My grandfather would never think of that. Why? I kept asking myself. I was so angry, I was thinking that my grandfather had to much on his mind and didnt think about his family. Maybe he thought that if he took his own life that things would be easier on us? NO! im so angry. My grandmother was the only one to see him, so It must have been really hard for her to forget the images she has witnessed. She rearranged the beds to both our bedrooms, having the bunkbed moved into my small room and my single bed in the master bedroom. She could not sleep alone. I took two months off from work to be at home with grandmother and avoided hanging around with friends. It has been a year and a half now, I've gone back to work and started to concentrate with my studies. But still my grandmother still sleeps in the same bed with me on days that my sister is not here with us, since now my sister attends elementary school in our area. When my step dad brings my sister here for school, my grandmother and my sister sleep together in my room while I sleep in the other room.My room is the only room with the computer and internet. Now with the new semester coming, I am concerned that I would have many projects and assignments and that I may not have space and time for myself because my grandmother still cant sleep in the other room. Whenever I ask to switch beds, she yells out, "Why not sell the house so I can leave!". It gets in my nerves and makes me cry because of the situation. I really want my room back because all of my belongings are in there. I explained to my grandmother that moving the bunkbed back to the master bedroom would give my room more space and air because the bunkbed blocks the both the window and closet. I would still sleep in the same bed with her in the other room I explainde but she just wont agree with it. SF people, please help me. I'm in need of help. what should I do to help my grandmother overcome my grandfathers loss. I feel that my grandmother and I have been arguing with each other everyday that it my lead to another loss and I can't handle losing anyone else.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Re: help with support and tratment after a suicide loss

    Hi and welcome; glad you found us...when someone commits suicide, it unleashes so many emotions and creates such a painful chaos...your grandmother, like you, is doing her best...maybe seeking advise for how to handle the situation may be helpful...please remember, we are here, if you need us...big hugs, J
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Re: help with support and tratment after a suicide loss

    It sounds as if your grandmother needs to undergo some counseling to help her deal with what happened to your grandfather. If the room is the problem can your grandmother have yours and you move your stuff into the master bedroom? Would you be comfortable there? You could also move your computer out of that room so you can work somewhere else. She really does need someone to talk with. I am sure she is probably dealing with issues of grief and guilt as well as the trauma of seeing what she did. What makes her afraid to sleep alone? Would selling the house be so bad? Don't be locked into only one option. This is a difficult time for you both. :hug:
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