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  1. Lostmemories1231

    Lostmemories1231 New Member

    Hello, I am new to the forum and I have been having a lot of problems lately. I have depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder, bipolar, panic attacks, and PTSD. Late October I overdosed on pills resulting in almost losing my life and being in ICU for over a week, they said I wouldn't make it. I decided to take the rest of the month of November off of work and school to focus on me and I was still depressed, I am always asking myself why why did I make it? I went back to work the first week of December and decided to go back part time and I am back to school full time and I am beyond depressed and overwhelmed. I am already calling off, I can barely get out of bed, I am sick of being miserable all the time, I just want it to end. I also haven't been handing it my school work which is not like me at all. I have no personality, I can't smile, I can't cry, I feel like I am already dead inside. I miss the person I use to be and I want to be her again, I just don't know how. I am lucky if I get out of bed. I see a therapist and a psychiatrist but it doesn't seem to be doing much. I just want to give up.
  2. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    hi kristen and a warm welcome to you.. your smorgesport of mental disorders is just about as long as mine.. gets very damn wearisome i know all too well.. have you keyed the therapist and shrink just how badly you are currently doing???? if not maybe be necessary now hon.. if they not helping you now i am sorry for that...

    lots of people on here that feel the same as you.. why the hell bother and keep trying??? is very commone on here.. we will talk with you if you want anytime.. if you click on my username jimk and then click on send message i will read and get back to you pretty soon... i am 65 yrs old now.. been there done that with just about everything..

    Kristen you posted and started talking with us. that is good and ok.. we are a friendly bunch of mostly good people on here.. we do not bite or judge or put down... just try to listen and support best we can do..

    hope to hear some more from you soon.. stay safe best you can manage and take care, Jim
  3. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi Kristen, and welcome to SF :) You ask why did you make it? And I think it's because the symptoms you describe are pointing to what is deeply inside you crying out for healing, meaning and a new reason and energy to motivate you. Does this ring true honey? Are you looking for some way there might be to find this but you don't yet know how or what?
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there,

    we have some things in common such as our disorders and illnesses. I was also reason in ICU after an overdose, they were not sure if I was going to make it either. I was on a ventilator.

    But I believe you are here for a reason. Maybe the reason is to help others in a similar position? You survived. Think of it as you have been given a second chance at life. That's how I think of it and try and be grateful for even the small things :) I really do wish your depression lifts soon. Maybe it is time to see a different psych, if your current one is not helping .. its worth giving a new one a try :)

    Best of luck with everything. x
  5. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    School is overwhelming, with something like school it is just a survival contest. You have to focus on getting to the goal. Once you are at the goal all that time frees up and you will be able to relax a bit. I know I went through a similar thing in school. At one point I would leave my dorm at 6:00 and would not return until sometime between 18:30 and 21:30. Trust me it did nothing that great for my mind. When I started sleeping more and focusing my efforts things got a little better.

    Also you are coming off of a long break hun. Trust me it takes a bit to get back in the swing of things. I say you need to keep doing what you are doing. I think you made the right choices with work and school. That is as long as you can afford that kind of a structure. I am sure you can survive. Believe it or not colleges want you to survive as well.
  6. Lostmemories1231

    Lostmemories1231 New Member

    Thanks everyone, it is just so hard I just keep hearing snap out of it or whats the big deal from people that do not have depression and do not understand how hard it is. My biggest problem right now is being able to go to work and to do my school work but I just can't find it in me to do it. I do believe I did get a second chance at life, but most days I don't want it.
  7. Count Floyd

    Count Floyd Well-Known Member

    Sometimes you have to push yourself. It's hard. I know. You have to look at the potential for good things that could happen to you. Just take a long walk. Get some air. Look around. Take it one day at a time; I know it's a cliche. Things suck but think about the possibility of hwere you could be in a year - you may be looking back and laughing at how great things have become. There's always that potential.
  8. Lostmemories1231

    Lostmemories1231 New Member

    I know but like you said it is just so hard. It seems to be impossible for me to think positively about anything, I hate it. I am also worried about work and school I really need to be able to manage them I can't afford to lose my job and I have come so far in my education I would hate to stop now and I am slacking and handing in assignments late and it is going to effect the GPA I worked so hard for and that stresses me out as well. I just feel like I am taking on so much but at the same time there is really nothing I can cut out of my life.
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