I need help. I don't know what else to say besides that. The doctor wanted me to go to the psychiatric ER. I declined. There's nothing they could do to help anyway. Now, here I am, so depressed, so desperate for help, and there's just nothing. I tried to talk to my husband, but he just made me feel worse. I wish I could, but I can't admit how horrible I feel. I can't let him know how often I think about killing myself because he just gets upset. I want desperately to not be responsible for keeping myself alive anymore. It's so hard to fight against these suicidal thoughts especially when the thought of suicide gives me some relief from these crushing feelings. I'm so alone. There's nowhere to turn. I'm not going to kill myself. I couldn't do that to the people that I love. I'm just pathetic. I wish I could kill myself. I wish I could want to kill myself without feeling so guilty. I can't call someone for help because there's no way to help me. I'm not currently incredibly suicidal. I don't know where I'm going with this. I just need help.