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  1. Nobody is there. I've written everyone, and nobody cares anymore.

    He wants me to do it. I f-ed up. My life was perfect, and I screwed it up. He wants me to stop breathing in the morniing, I know it.

    Not sure what to do. I want to live, but I don't know why.
  2. Sawl

    Sawl Member

    I care! What happened to make you feel this way? It's good that you want to live, hold on to that!
  3. I'm calmer now. I said some things, because I didn't realize he was asleep and thought he was ignoring me. Dumb stuff. My mind just panicked. Feeling better, but I need to be reminded that I am loved.
  4. Sawl

    Sawl Member

    I'm happy to hear that you're feeling better!
  5. I feel really shaky, because I KNOW how to die. I could be gone tonight. But that also leads me to take it more seriously. Strange thing, complex PTSD. Sometimes I just wish I were NORMAL, you know?
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hey there. I hope you got through the night safely. You say you want to live and wish you were normal? What would you change if you had the chance? I also have PTSD so I know somewhat where you are coming for from. :hug:
  7. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    there is no such thing. life is ups and downs. this is just a season, and it too, will pass.
  8. Thank you ladies. What would I change? You know, not much. I want to be "normal," so that I can be more easily loved. But, looking around, I am very loved as my neurotic self. ;-) I would like to experience fear less. I make mistakes, but it's not the mistakes that hurt, it's the meaning I give them, and the fear I experience.

    Odd, because I'm supposed to not be happy having PTSD, but if I could accept the reality of my mind, it doesn't need to limit my experience. Things may always be different for me, but different doesn't have to mean "bad."

    Thinking aloud.

    Did you ladies know that I live on a sailboat? I actually do! With my husband, daughter (who has autism), cat, and my daughter's pet fish. My life really is kind of cool. I need a lot of support at times, but nobody knows it. ;-)
  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Wow, living on a sailboat, that's awesome. I don't think I have ever heard of anyone living on a sailboat lol. Are the mistakes you make big or little? I mean like really affect that you go over and over them in your mind. You say your life is cool and that is awesome and your husband and daughter need their mom to be stable, that's why I would suggest you seeing a therapist, to help you and it can, therapy helped me a lot :)
  10. Yeah, I've been working with the world's most awesome therapist for a year and a half. :) She works via e-mail, which actually has been BETTER for me than traditional therapy. On M W F, she'll get back to me the same day (she used to get back to me the same day everyday, but I've been doing a bit better). So we wrote back and forth quite a few times yesterday. :)
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