Help

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by LT1359, Dec 10, 2014.

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  1. LT1359

    LT1359 Member

    I don't think I can take this anymore. Please someone help me.
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi and welcome, what is going on for you? :hug:
     
  3. LT1359

    LT1359 Member

    Everything, I don't even know where to begin...I feel like I've failed at everything and have nothing to live for anymore. Since finishing my masters, I have been unable to find work, it's been 2 years...Also after finishing my masters, I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years because all I ever wanted was children and he didn't. Last year I met someone else but the relationship was very rocky..I found myself pregnant and in a panic I got rid of the one I thing I always wanted...I had no time to think and just kept thinking I can't be selfish and bring this child in this relationship...and although I was fine right after the abortion, I had physical complications and put on a pill which just turned my world black...In the end, I found myself begging him to stay with me but it was too late for him and he moved on to the next person pretty much straight away.
    And here I am...I know I sound pathetic but I have nothing. I lost my home, my self confidence and self esteem and just live with constant regret. I tried to get away from everything and went and stayed with friends who were supportive but nothing has changed, for almost 3 months, I have been totally suicidal. I found the place <mod edit - methods>and I know there's nothing more for me to live for. But as with everything else in my life, what has stopped me is hurting others...I feel like I'm being selfish and I never ever want to hurt anyone. I just feel so hopeless, I don't know what to do anymore, it's like I'm expecting a miracle but deep down in my heart I know it's never going to happen and I'm just prolonging the inevitable...please help me, I really don't know what to do or think anymore.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 10, 2014
  4. LT1359

    LT1359 Member

    I don't even know if I've posted this in the right group....
     
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I there, I have read your post twice.

    I'm glad you felt you could open up about the abortion here, is it something you are regretting? I'm a little unclear on how you feel about it now at this stage in your life? I'm pretty sure counselling could benefit you greatly and medications for the depression etc.. Seek professional help if not already. It really is often the only way forward.

    Congrats on getting a masters degree-wish I had one, at least then I could travel to a different country for work, actually come to think of it, is that something you have looked into. A complete fresh start. You have us here at least and I do wish the best for you.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 10, 2014
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I will move it to the suicide forum section now. More people may see it there.
     
  7. LT1359

    LT1359 Member

    <mod edit methods> I regret the abortion every single day. I feel that it was my once chance and I messed up massively, living with regret is soul destroying but I know there's no way back. Unfortunately they are very quick to get the procedure done but there is absolutely no after care and no support. The list to get counselling here takes months and I'm really done with pills, the hormone ones they put me on after the abortion is what got me here in the first place...
    Trust me, not having a masters is much much easier, I spent over £10k and it hasn't added anything to my chances of being employed. I'm now either over qualified or under qualified...thanks for taking the time to read and reply to me though, I really appreciate it...
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 10, 2014
  8. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I am sorry you are in such a low place now. It is very unfair to not have the counseling and support available to you that you need without a waiting list but perhaps if you look around some there are some peer support groups in your area that cover the same type of thing? If you check with the local hospitals or even the clinic they may be able to give you information on those type of informal peer support groups and often there are notices for them on the bulletin boards in clinics and hospitals.

    So far as employment- is it that you have not been able to find the job you wanted based on your degree or any employment at all? The issue of "over qualified is actually easily dealt with simply by tailoring your resume and the emphasis on your applications. It seems counter intuitive because people are justifiably proud of higher educational accomplishments but if you need no degree or or only a 2 year degree as an example for a position then do not add the Masters degree to the resume- simply take that line out. Dressing down a resume to get something for a job is easy to do when you just need employment and are being told overqualified and it is not in anyway cheating -- putting on something that is mot true is lying - but if you have an associates degree and choose not to list a bachelors and masters that is a choice and may be a good choice if the goal is simply employment. Once you have something for a job then take your time with less stress to find the job that you really want and are qualified for. If continually getting "over qualified as reason, then simply stop talking about the extra qualifications and then use the that extra education and knowledge to quickly move up from the entry level positions once you are hired.

    You really just need a good break - and it certainly sounds like you deserve something to go your way. As soon as you can get that break you are well positioned for things to improve a lot and very quickly so hang in there and give yourself a chance because you deserve it. :hug:
     
  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I really am sorry that you regret what you've done you can only move forward now and I think it's ridiculous that there is no aftercare. The counseling lists are really a downer, is it possible you could get counselling maybe once a week? Would that be affordable? I noticed you mentioned that you have felt this way since they put you on some hormone medications, so could these sudden suicidal feelings pass when you are finished the hormone course of treatment.

    We have all made mistakes in our lives, that's what makes us normal. No one's plate is clean.
    Sorry the master's degree isn't making a blind bit of difference, do you think it might further down the line or agree to volunteer doing what you are qualified to do to get that experience you may need.. You can talk to us here any time.
     
  10. LT1359

    LT1359 Member

    Thank you so much for your kind words, they mean so so much to me. I stopped the hormone medication as soon as I started feeling down but unfortunately the darkness never went away...just having people who understand what you're going through really really helps, so thank you both so much.
     
  11. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    You are very welcome hun, we're here for you anytime. I'm glad I could have been of assistance :) Best of luck to you in the future! :hug:
     
  12. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    What about going to the doctor and give other medications a try? If can't afford counseling, can you look into support group if it exists as what you went through is traumatic as no one should go through it alone.

    Like NYJM said about resumes, you can tailor it. I'm sure there are so many people out there in the same boat, unable to find jobs for the same reasons you stated. It's brutal out there, but it's . What is your masters in?
     
  13. LT1359

    LT1359 Member

    It's in Public International Law, I am trying to find the strength to find a paid PhD but with all the dark thoughts it's hard to have the confidence to write a proposal at the moment...
     
  14. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    That's nice to have a paid program, if you find one go for it. Spend few minutes at a time with the proposal until you can get your mind off dark feelings. Keeping yourself busy kinda helps with the dark feelings even do hobbies or working out etc.

    Sounds like an interesting major with all businesses being global.
     
  15. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    My sister just got her degree in Law, and is now studying for a masters, it is corpotate law. She works part time in a healthy fast food place. I think it is who you know and not what you know is sometimes the way things pan out. She's had 3 different jobs, all because of people she's known.

    Keep working on it, take it day by day, really do 'cos otherwise it overwhelm you and send you into overdrive! I wish you all the luck in the world.
     
  16. LT1359

    LT1359 Member

    Yes I totally agree, unfortunately it is only who you know :( buuuut thanks to you guys I got a lot done yesterday, you're all so amazing and I honestly don't know what I would've done without you. I went from crying for two hours to knowing that there are people out there who care and finding the determination to turn things around. I'm not saying I won't have bad days again but I'm going to try really really hard to get past this because I know I'm not alone now. I may not succeed with this proposal but at least I've tried...
     
  17. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    That is the spirit :) I really am glad we have helped you realize that you are not alone, you never are :) Also glad you got a lot done yesterday,hang in there hun, we're always here :)
     
  18. LT1359

    LT1359 Member

    <3 <3 <3
     
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