I have so many self-esteem issues. I've been told I'm pretty but I can count the rolls on my tummy and grab at my thighs. My whole life I thought I would be alone. I didn't think anyone could ever love me. Last year a guy asked me on a date and we started hanging out. He didn't want anything serious and I said that was fine and we had fun. Then he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes. Then a few weeks later, he dumped me, but we still were "together." A few weeks after that he wanted me to be his girlfriend again. I said yes. A few weeks later he changed his mind and we didn't speak for a week. Then slowly we started talking and decided to be friends. However, when university started back up we decided we wanted to see each other again and spend as much time together as we could. He broke it off a few weeks after that. I started chain smoking and drinking everyday. I couldn't sleep and I couldn't stop crying and cutting. Over winter break we started talking again and he said he missed me. When we got back from break we slept together two different times and then he ended it again. It's been completely over for a few months and I need help. I miss him so much even though he did not treat me well. He was the first guy to ever be romantically interested in me and I can't let that go. I need help because I'm so tired of crying about him still. Thank you so much.