Help

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Astroscientist10, May 5, 2015.

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  1. Astroscientist10

    Astroscientist10 New Member

    I'm 18 I'm still in high school graduating soon but that's not the problem I do t know what to do anymore I find it difficult to breath anymore the majority of my childhood was spent alone without friends a drunk dad who beat me and if I cried would beat me harder a mother who unintentionally spent all her time trying to keep my brother safe and off drugs and I never new what to do to me that was normal although I still cried myself to sleep every night I thought that was normal and several times from my first memory till Now I've had thought of suicide first time I tried I was about 8 and at my moms their was a shotgun which for about six hours I had pointed at my head since I stayed home sick my mom was at work and my brother at school I just remember watching my tears go down the barrel of the gun when Inhonestly don't know what happened for the life of me I don't know why I didn't do it I unloaded it and put it back then went and did whatever like I wasn't just about to kill myself. I still remember dragging my dad in the house cause he was so drunk he would drive his car into the garage then fall asleep (never hard enough r do too much damage) but this was every night I was their and after waiting up till 3 crying not knowing if I would ever see him alive again I put him to bed and the next morning he would be in a hungover cocaine fueled rage and scream in this what at the time was the scariest thing ever and make me and my brother literally clean the house spotless just so he could come home 5 hours later and trash before he would go drinking again and the several hundred times he would be on what I'm guessing was acid of some kind cus at like 5 am he would come running in freaking out saying we need to hide from some monster ( different one everytime) and it was insane but we thought it was a game till we got older and realiZed he was serious but since my parents wer divorced with shared custody and my brother and I still loved are dad so we never talk to anyone about what would happen at my dads it wasn't till all the years of bottling everything up cause me to have a heart problem and black out in school one day although I'm 18 my brain went so haywire with everything built up I had a mini stroke at the age of 17 in November and was out of school for 4 months half the time I was in the corner with what felt like a knife in my brain and I have a high tolerance for pain already thanks to my dad but it drove me a 200 pound six foot teenager who's always been the tough scary kid to a shattering point and since August of 2014 I've been dating what has got to be the most amazing girl in the world and is my sole reason for living but sometime everything is too much this is only a small part of my story can someone help me I can't live my shattered life anymore
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    First of all, welcome to the site. :hug:

    Have you considered talking to a counselor or therapist about what you've been through? It sounds like you've dealt with a lot of trauma in your life, and I think therapy could be beneficial.
     
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