Discussion in 'Welcome' started by ogm222, Aug 18, 2015.

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  1. ogm222

    ogm222 New Member

    Hi my name is X,
    I am 19 and have been struggling through the last 4 years.
    Here is a brief run down of my past.

    I first started feeling suicidal when I was 16 for the first year I convinced my self it was nothing as most teenagers go through so I put it down to the bulling and no social life.

    When I was 17 the feelings still hadn't stopped even though I had a job and had a nice girlfriend. I was getting more depressed and down and had being going to see multiple counsellors, I was the only one aware of my feelings. Self harming took the ease off things for a bit but then it got harder to hide the scars.

    Right so when I turned 18 ugh this was not a very good year, my girlfriend discovered some of what was going on because of the scars and these letters I used to write to myself, But I still wouldn't open up completely to her. Right so ill try not to be mean but that girl has some serious issues. This is when she would manipulate me to do things for her and blackmail me saying she would tell my friends and family what was going on.... She would also self harm herself and send me pictures saying I made her because I wasn't opening up... Crazy Bitch.We finally broke up
    I tried to commit Suicide Twice that year (once during the relationship). Both failed attempts I also ended up in hospital endless times for hurting my self, I began Drinking and going out heavily and my life started to spiral out of control. I was diagnosed as depressed and they also put me on antidepressants but i stopped after 5 months as pills mixed with heavy drinking resulted me getting arrested twice.

    Right so I'm now 19 and I'm completely lost, I feel lonely and empty. I have massive highs and lows (they think I have Bi Polar, but I don't want to know as that's just another bad label for me). I wake up most days wanting to kill myself and I struggle to get any sleep at night. I've made plans on my method and I've written a suicide note but I just keep putting off the date as I'm a pussy. I just really had to get this off my chest.

    I also heard voices a lot starting from when i was around 8 years old but they went away when I was around 17, In the last couple days they have come back and its making me feel a whole lot worse.

    Sincerely X
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni


    I've moved your thread to the welcome page as trouble shooting is for technical problems.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Of course you are lost go back to your doctor and get a treatment plan in place to get you off the booze and get you back on medication that will lift the depression some ok
    and also get therapy to help you get back to a good place in your life not stay in the darkness you are in take care of YOU ok do that.
  4. DeadBattery

    DeadBattery Member

    Hi. I'm new to this forum as well.
    I know being manipulated when you already feel so low is a horrible thing to deal with. What's more, I know getting help is easier to suggest than to actually achieve. Everyone seems to say "all you have to do is ask" ... but sometimes it seems like you can beg and help just does not present itself.

    Someone told me a long time ago that there is no cowardice in delaying or hesitating when it comes to these kinds of decisions. On the contrary, it is a sign of great courage to continue to face obstacles so immense that they could lead to these kinds of feelings.

    I know when people say things like that it almost sounds rehearsed or as if it is being read from cue cards. That is why I'm sure I scoffed when it was said to me. But there is an amount of logic in the sentiment: it is certainly not easy to deal with these things life is hurling towards you, so -- at the very least -- it speaks to your strength that you've survived all challenges up to this point.
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