help

[zeroRegrets]

I am 16 and i hate life. My family is fairly rich, i have an indoor swimming pool, we all drive nice cars. But yet im still not happy.

I just turned 16 and my mom took me everywhere to find a car to fit. I mean everywhere. We looked and looked and looked. And finally when we found one that fit, she decides to buy it right then and there. It was a brand new car, i mean wow am i lucky. In the ride home i actually had the nerve to get mad at her for not even letting me have my say if i like the car or not.

It wasnt the fact that i dont like the car, she doesnt let me decide to some extent.

Im athletic, im on the mens basketball and volleyball boys varsity team. I get along well with kids at school.

My dad died when i was 3 yrs old. He commited suicide. I never asked why ever in my whole life. I came to the conclusion he commited suicide as i got older around 7. Then my sister (18) asked me if i knew and i said i think so and we cleared that up.

He was a commercial pilot. He and my mom flew around on their free time all the time.


I guess i only feel the need to end my life because i know they nothing will take the feeling away inside me. Its the little things. My mom is the nicest woman to anyone. She does anything for anybody to this day. She does drink extremely at night to the point where i told her i am not talking to her untill the morning.

I guess you could say shes an alcoholic, and she says "its the only way to get away from stress" . I tried drinking a few times with kids at school and it was fun sure, but then i start thinking why am i doing it.

I think this is a terrible thing to say, but even though i love what my mom does for our family and spoils me with everyday, I dont think im going to be sad when she dies. I think in a weird way that she doesnt care either, and that when she does ill know that i am living my life now with nobody above me. All the stuff she owns will be split 50/50 and life will continue.

I can go weeks withought thinking about what it would be like if i werent here, or how i would end my life, or when i would. But then theres days that i couldnt be happier to live, like when i get to fly to earn my pilots license.

But its those times when i do feel the need to not want to be a part of this world anymore that when i try to remember the reasons why i live, they arent good enough to.


If you could please tell me some advice or tell me im crazy or something anything i need to hear something. A story or anything.

All the best to~~

 

[Jodi]

zeroRegrets,

Welcome to the site. Im so sorry to hear of your fathers death. That must be very difficult for you. Do you have a therapist to talk to, or a close friend or special teacher at school. IM so glad you found us and I do encourage you to lean on us as much as you need to. From reading what you had to say I would have to say you are not crazy in any way, just someone in pain reaching out, nothing wrong with that.....please feel free to PM me or any of the wonderfull staff members here...best of luck to you....will be thinking of you.....Jodi

 

[lifesux]

Hi ZR,
I read your post and it reminded me of my cousin and I at your age...Time flies extremly fast and that is the one constant in all of our lives, and its like the song says = the best wish anyone could wish for is to be 15 again...I attribute some of my problems to being spoiled, like you!..I'm obvioulsy dealing with more problems but anyhow.....While my parents were not well off, I was an only child up until I was ten years old and I was spoiled to an extreme and basically got any toy or trip to the zoo or whatever, whenever I wanted....I was always a good kid and never dissrespected others and it sounds like you are too!

The jist of what I'am trying to convey to you is really about my Cousin, we will call him brent.....His mom and Dad were a lot more well off than my parents and we were close when younger. Again he was even more spoiled than me, but as in your case his MOM WAS THE DECISION MAKER AND RARELY ASKED the opinions of her son...for instance they would go to the mall and she would spend hundreds of dollars on him in 1 DAY! and he would be stuck with what she bought, granted it was usually mossimo, or Tommy, or other namebrands in the day.....same goes for toys or food or what ever...he had it all but he hardly had HIS SAY on the circumstances.....

SADLY he got hooked on Marijuana, please and and goes to all teens DONT DO IT = ANYTHING YOU SMOKE IS NOT HEALTHY FOR YOU PERIOD...oh I know most people will try it but its when you become addicted to it like my cousin...He is now 24 and has to smoke it in the morning and the evening, just to feel happy in the world.....also He was very PREPIE and had tons of friends, in fact I was all jealous of how many he had, I was never good at making friends...anyhow along with the drugs...came that stage of getting almost all of his limbs tatooed to one extreme or another....and 10 years ago..I remember talking to him about tats and he thougth they were just awefull!

Brent told me a few years back that he at first did drugs to rebell against his CONTROLING MOM! and she too is and was a Night time ALkie! and that he started getting into the grundge life because he wanted to express himself AS HE WAS NEVER ABLE TO WHEN YOUR AGE!! His mom went through the stages of denial.....and went through a lot of pain as did I myself and the rest of our family...because one of our own was not only MAINTAINING A HORRIBLE HABBIT OF SMOKING WEED but we all felt horrible every time we would see him = HE HAD A NEW TATOO SOMEWHERE, and they are there FOREVER......

I dont know you just struck a nerve with me and my cousing and nobody else was writing so I wanted to share that with you and maybe you can take something out of it..IT IS OK TO HAVE ALTERIOR EVIL THOUGHTS, all of us do at one time or another.....BUT JUST DONT ACT ON THEM!!, dont let them control you......sometimes what I do Is think how DAM GOOD I HAVE IT...even with all of my problems......and you should have that thinking too....I mean you probly werent beat as a child?, you probly werent mollested as a child?, you obvioulsy didnt have to grow up in the projects as a child!....What I'am trying to point out is there ARE LITERALLY MILLIONS OF YOUTH YOUR AGE THAT WOULD GIVE THEIR EYE TEETH TO BE AS PRIVELAGED AS YOU, and even I (even though I wasnt rich) we were very fortunate to have a giving family that made sure we were alright......and Im very thankfull to them and I hope you will come to that understanding also....

Anyhow your at the age that I first started to get depressed as a youth and it festered because I didn't get the help I needed....several hap-hazzard life attmetps and visits to the pcyche ward later Im still a mess...as a lot of others on here because they didnt get the proper help when THE PROBLEMS STARTED.....I know I refused to seek help, and you may feel emberrased about going to you mom and asking to seek therapy...but I would suggest you got to your school guidance councelor and talk with her for a bit!! Yes it feels good to express your problems on here...as I have done before but talking with someone in a physical context will definetly help you...

Well, I know you will make a terrific pilot!! and have fun in your NEW CAR! I still want a New car

 

[roze]

What you may need is some more 'human' experiences. Ever you ever try volunteering for any social projects?

By what you described, it seems that your life is made more out of material goods than good friends. Perhaps if you get envolved in other projects, you'll learn to appreciate your life more, and make great friends in the process.

Just a thought...