and what will dying do?
end your pain??
what about your parents, brothers, sisters, friends, teachers, old friends, family.
what about their pain?
iv been there.
iv been there and been out of there and been back there numerous times.
iv been as low as you can go.
and iv been as high to.
my advice, just from personnel experience:
go and visit a hospital.
when i was 14, the first time i was in hospital from personnel harm, due to family issues, there was a girl there the same age as me, she had been there for 8 or so months, we talked, as hospital as a kid is really boring.
She said she was goign to be in there for another month, but she wouldnt tell me what for.
there was a room at the end of the kids ward, a school, a place for the kids to forget their pain, we played a game of spoons, (card game), one of these kids couldnt walk ever, one couldnt hear and was mute, the rest were attatched to drips and were covered in bandages or tubes, coming out of noses, mouths, necks, arms, hands, chests.
these kids although they couldnt help their situation, and they couldnt help but be there, they lit up the room, they laughed and joked, they LIVED. But i was there, i forced myself to be there. i didnt want to be there, i wanted to not exist. But it made me different, being in hospital, sure i tried again shortly after, but this time i just wanted to stop pain, not to dissapear. This all happened at the beginning of the summer holidays (december, january)of year 9. the next year,in the august, september, october. i was sick for 10 weeks. i went in and out of hospital. i had something wrong with my liver, a result of overdosing on any medication i could find. i lay at home for days, weeks, and months, finally when i got better, and went back to school everything was the same, i couldnt believe it. i thought for some reason that it would be different. i felt different. i still dont know why. That year everything changed for me. Back then me and another girl were taking medication everyday. whatever we could find.we smoked, drank and took medication every chance we got. we'd hide each others battle scars and we became wrapped up in our world. we started to egg each other on. we started to compare numbness.
Now, shes still down that road, but a whole lot less, she doesnt take any medication. i dont either.
Now, at the end of this year, im travelling to vietnam, to help set up an childrens home with a team of youth.
Now, i talk to this one boy, danni, who lives across the world from me, we talk alot, he used to be like you, but now hes not, he used to hat everything, but now hes beginning to see some good.
maybe i can help you do that too??
