i've posted here a few times before. my name is jenny, i'm a 19 y/o college student. i got out of a year + relationship with a 23 y/o firefighter in june. i'm gonna try to be quick and simple.. everything, everything i do/see reminds me of him, STILL. i know that i'm still in love with him. i've hooked up with other people since, and i know he has, too. we talk/text each other just as much as when we were going out. his family hates me now because they don't know the real him, he used to beat the shit out of me and tell me to go drown myself, blah,blah.. we broke up because he said, "when we get into fights you always talk about other things and it pisses me off and you keep bitching." well, i wouldn't bitch, but he always cut me off and said stupid shit about how he didn't need me, but we would always be fine later that night.. once we started going out, i never saw any of my friends, and as a result, i have VERY FEW now. he goes out drinking all the time with his friends.. we still see movies, chill, eat... but always have sex after.. which i know is my decision too, but i'm not gonna say no to him... i still love him, and i always will. nothing will ever change that, not even him; it's something that is uncontrollable. the night after he broke up with me, i had a little flirtation with about 80 tylenol pms and duct tape over my mouth, which... obviously didn't work. i woke up about 3 hours later, puking.. dragged myself to the bathroom, puked, drank water, ate bread, puked, and repeated that for about 5 times. i don't know how my parents didn't find out.. i still have everything he gave me.. our families think that we no longer talk to each other. he won't talk about anything, and i'm just... back and forth with emotions, not knowing what to do, slowly, but surely dying. i'd like to just do 90 into a brickwall, but then i'd never know what could have been.. i honestly don't know what do anymore. nothing i do helps any situation. any advice would be greatly appreciated.