Temptation lays in my purse in the form of two perscription bottles of hydrocodone and a water bottle full of vodka. I have no idea where this is suddenly coming from but all I have thought about for the last hour has been sitting down and just doing it. I feel pathetic and alone. I tried calling a friend but it's friday night and they didn't really hear what I meant when I told them things were "ok, I guess" and I feel stupid anyway. I don't want to freak anyone out. I don't want anyone to waste their time worrying because if I'm going to do it, I'm going to do it. But some part of me doesn't really want to. And this is where I just get so scared because most of me wants to end my life but this small little whatever doesn't.