help

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by SuicideSpork, Nov 13, 2007.

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  1. SuicideSpork

    SuicideSpork Member

    I'm sitting here crying tonight, and I don't know what to do. I want to kill myself so bad. I can't take anymore of this pain. I'm supposed to get on a plane for an interview tomorrow, and I can't stop sobbing.

    Why does every minute have to hurt so damn much?

    I want to go out to the garage, duct-tape the hose to the exhaust pipe, drop the other end in the car, close the garage, and just go to sleep. :( :( :(
     
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hey, what's happening?
     
  3. SuicideSpork

    SuicideSpork Member

    Crying uncontrollably, trying to listen to music so I don't feel so unbelievably alone, and wanting to die. I feel like I'm going to crack a tooth I'm gritting them together so tight. There's just so much pain in my head, and I don't know what to do. I've tried talking to people, I've tried the doctors' drugs, I've tried so hard to break free of this pain. But it seems like I'm destined to just be in intolerably emotional agony until I finally break and jump off a bridge, blow my brains out, suck on an exhaust pipe, drink myself to death, or whatever will work. :(
     
  4. CJ87

    CJ87 Member

    Hi spork, I know that it can be really painful but probably its a good sign that u are cryin, it can be good for u (even tho it doesn't feel like it.)
    If the interview is part of the reason ur feelin so bad right now, mayb u should just try and do somethin to relax to take your mind off it. Remember if this one doesn't go to plan there can always be others in the future.
    The most important thing is your mental health and if the interview and combinations of other things are causing you to become suicidal, you may need to distance yourself from those things for a while. Remember nothing is worth taking ur life so if necessary u might need to cancel the interview completely.
    Realise ur at a vulnerable stage and u deserve to take a step back and take things easy. Hope u r feelin a bit better now.
     
  5. SuicideSpork

    SuicideSpork Member

    I don't have any hope that I'll ever feel better again... and yet, I'm going to go on the interview anyway, because I don't want to put anybody out. I don't even really want the job, truth be told... I don't really know why I said "sure, I'm interested," beyond fleeting idiotic "who knows, maybe something good will come of it" hope.

    I really don't have the foggiest notion what to do with myself. I just want the pain to end. I'm so tired of pretending that things are alright to people when I just want to set myself on fire.
     
  6. Speaking out

    Speaking out Member

    hello what made you feel like this? sounds like your in the same pain as me only for me it comes and goes but when it comes i'm lucky i dont own a gun!!
    hope everything is ok. who would have thought when were younger that one day it may be "very hard" to be happy...

    stay strong,

    and good luck with the interveiw.
     
  7. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    It is tough sometimes, and I'm sorry you're having one of those times!

    CJ187 makes a lot of sense. Your health is the most important thing. If you're not up to going, you can cancel or reschedule the interview. (BTW, I think you're very kind, courteous and courageous to even think of "not putting *others* out" when you're feeling so badly yourself. Take care of yourself first, though; especially if you're really flat out!)

    I'm not sure how to support you or encourage you since I don't know exactly what's on your mind. So, I'll just describe some things I've tried (that worked for me) to take my mind off my troubles.

    For an interview (and I always find them intimidating!), I remind myself that I'm interviewing the *company* to see if they offer what *I* need. That's every bit as important as what *they* need! And if I'm interviewing for something I don't really want, I tell myself, "Even if you don't really want this job, this interview is a *practice interview* for the one you do want!"

    Sometimes I can get lost in a favorite book, poem, prayer, mantra, TV show. I listen to some upbeat music. (I've heard that sad music can make people sad, so sad music is out if I'm already sad.) Equally, if I'm restless, I find some soothing (but not sad) music. I've visualized my perfect home and it's always been a nice exercise: It can be anywhere and anything (even summer on one side, with arctic tundra in the back, etc. etc.) And finally, I have a set of colored pencils and some coloring books. (I'm an *older* person, BTW!) I *color* if I'm *really* stressed. It focuses my attention quite well. (Crayons could be fun, too! Maybe more fun ??)

    Anyhow, I'm really hoping that you're feeling better soon and that the interview goes well for you if you go and even if you don't really want that job. Post again and let us know how things are going.

    Please be easy and gentle on yourself, okay? Smiles :) :) :) I'll be thinking about you!
     
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