Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by davb, Dec 14, 2007.

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  1. davb

    davb New Member

    Hey, my names dave

    A few years ago my parents got divorced after my dad had an affair, yet things had being going wrong for a long time. Countless evenings of sleepless nights, shouting and abuse insued. Even durin my exams (gcse's), which i didnt do to well on.

    My mum shortly after tried to commit suicide by jumping off our 3rd story balcony, thankfully she didnt succede, i dont know what i would do without her.

    After that she tried to kill herself via overdoses many times. Often i thought she was selfish, but now i understand that she wasnt thinking straight and just wanted to get rid of the pain. I could go into detail, litrally years, but i wont.

    I was failing terribly at school after the divorce, sometimes even taking months off school.

    After all of this i started drinking, im only 17 at present and im drinking at least 1 bottle of wine a day, sometimes coupled with 2 cans of beer, this is every night. I know that this is crazy, but i cant fight the urge. I also have trouble sleeping and this helps.

    Ive always been shy, and being bullied during high school didnt help things, once i even got into a fight for no reason, simply because someone wanted to prove he could beat up a defenseless guy. Power hungy?

    Currently im am at college and trying to keep up with work, so far im doing ok. Still struggling to keep up with work tho.

    Im not going to lie to you, im not at the stage were i want to kill myself yet, although i have been before. Ive seen people way worse off than me and think im being weak maybe?

    My dad is a doctor and works away alot, hes away for months, and only back for litrally a week at a time.

    I spose whats helping me is that ill leave my mum. i cant live without her and she cant live without me. If i kill myself, no doubt my mum wil follow shortly after.

    Ive been crying the whole time ive time ive been writing this, its the first time ive opened up to anyone. I guess i just need to talk to some one who understands me.

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