Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by inneedofadvice, Jun 24, 2008.

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  1. I am 22 years old with many problems in life and I have feelings of despair and I feel isolated, I feel so alone and unloved.
    I wish I could fall in love again since its is the only true happiness in life, the only thing that can solve or at least lessen my pain, however ironically its also a part of the reason I am in pain.
    whenever I love someone there is a problem and every time I lose more confidence that there is someone meant for me,
    that I can find someone to love and be loved by and then stay together until the we get old.
    I feel as if it was fate to remaining alone or at least to be left without true love.
    Often I dream about killing myself and how it would be nice to leave all the problems this world has forced upon me and feel my body and mind pass away peacefully.
    I want to live but I do not want to live my life and deal with all my various problems, I am alive only to be alive but without valid reasons.
    days are just routine without any satisfaction or joy or very few.
    every time something bad happens I think i will improve and one day I will be happy,
    one day all my problems will be solved, but that day becomes ever more distant while other bad things happen until it disappears completely into a dream.
    many times I thought to about taking my life but I dont have the courage to do the `final act.
    when in skyscrapers on the balcony of the hotel I often think how it would be easy to throw myself off it and then I cry because I dont have the guts.
    I do not want to be selfish and I think of my family, my father and my stepmother since my mother died last year.
    I remember when she died and how many things I wish I could have changed and how many things I wanted to do before she passed away and it was very hard
    and I do not want to pass these thoughts onto others.
    I do not want other people to be hurt but I want to end my own pain, its a constant battle of conscience.
    I'm afraid of keeping on living almost as much as I'm afraid of dying.
    already at the bottom of the well and if I go in down further I will go under water, submerged by emotions!
    I do not want to be weak but I do not know how to beat this sensation, and I try in every way
    to escape and hide from reality and ignore the problems since many can not be solved but then they come back ten times more powerful.
    I dont know what to do...
  2. Insignificant

    Insignificant Account Closed

    i'm sorry to say the only way through our problems is to barrell or charge our way through them. the more we do this the more we learn about life. i guess that's why one can say with age comes wisdom. i have a rhino tatooed on my forarm. it's there to remind me when stouf comes up we charge our way through them, and if something gets in our way we pick it up move it out of our way and keep charging. i hope the very best for you. please take care
  3. I cant charge my way through the death of my girlfriend, my mother and one of my best friends all within 1 year as well as having problems dealing with anything emotional because I feel so frail and do not want to appear weak not even to myself (i know that sounds stupid) since I have a very hard time letting emotions out and simply cant share or release my pain face to face to anyone. I am having loads of problems with friends because I am forcing myself into a cocoon barricade and have gotten very anti sociable although I always used to be the center of attention and a party starter. I feel like life has already abandoned me and that there is nothing left. I can never become be the person I was or want to be anymore.
    I feel drained of all will to do anything, from going to work to simply eating. I just want to sleep, where in my dreams I can have the people I love back and remove problems with work, money etc and I can change my life the way I want it to be, the I dream of it to be .... I want to sleep forever. I dont have the power to charge at anything...
  4. Insignificant

    Insignificant Account Closed

    i'm sorry
  5. God this is to much for me to take, I am trying to write a suicide note for my family but I cant see properly because of my tears or get the words out because I dont want to have to say them.
    I shouldn't have tried to release my frustration, not even here because it makes me think and when I think the scar just rips further and further, now I just want to fly, feel the wind, final adrenaline rush and then nothing. Beautiful view tonight from here, wouldn't be a bad last sight.
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