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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Needing Reason, Oct 9, 2008.

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  1. My life has been very messed up from the start. When i was 6 both my grandparents were killed in their own home by drug addicts looking for money. In elementary school I never had any real friends just people I sort of talked too. I played alot of sports and knew alot of people but no one ever wanted to be close friends besides inviting me to birthday parties and such. Grades were never an issue for me but i always had somone that would bully me around. It would make me want to physically harm people somtimes even to this day for no reason. I started finding gorey pictures on the internet and got more and more interested in them. I thought about harming smaller animals in real life but my dad was a cop and always lectured me about how many psychos he had seen torturing animals and such. In 6th grade I moved into a private school with a whole new set of friends. I was popular but only in a sense at school. Nobody would ever talk to me after school or talk to me save my small group of 2 or 3 friends. About this time is when i started thinking incestual thoughts about my sister. She would always comfort me when i was said and she loved me very much. Unfortunatly in the 8th grade she was killed by a drunk driver. Entering 9th grade 2 of my friends left for public school. My parents would not let me transfer to public school becuase they apperntly wanted me to get into a good college since I was in a very distinguished private school. I had only 1 real friend that i talked too untill he ODed on LSD. He was sent to therapy and then later moved out of the state due to his parents job. So I was left in a school where no one wanted to be involved with me with parent's that were overbearing on my schoolwork. I was pushed to the edge at some kid at my schools party. I never liked dancing or rap music so I went out behind his house and sat behind a tree. For a while I had already been thinking of thoughts of suicide and there sitting right next to the tree was a hunting knife. It seemed like it was almost destined for it to be there. I almost felt like I was meant to do it. Later that knight I was in the ER with a slashed wrist. I started going to therapy and people at school helped me get through it. But as days turned to weeks people started to forget and I was in the same situation I was before. No real friends and no reason to live. I have lived that way untill now when I heard about this place. I just wanted to vent and tell my story lest I go through the trauma of what has already happened to me. I hope to get to know some of you here shortly.
  2. white

    white Well-Known Member

    im pming you!
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello Needing Reason,
    Life is not made up with all good and you have to take the bad along with it. Have you thought about therapy? It sounds like you want to talk but don't have anyone to talk to.
    You will make friends here and they will offer you support and advice but i still think you need some professional help to guide you back on the right path!! Don't be ashamed to need help. There are thousands of people from all walks of life who need that help and they get it!!
    As far as making new friends, are there any groups you can join? How about study groups? You sound as if your grades are fairly well. Maybe you can help someone in a group and make friends at the same time!
    I hope you at least get the professional help because you will learn coping skills and shed light on getting new friends. Just check it out and don't just jump in with both feet. Check them out as they are checking you. It took me three therapists to find Gina the one I have been with for the last three years. Good luck and keep us informed on how you are doing! Later!~Joseph~
  4. hey.. even though i dont know you and my story isn't the same as yours... i can relate ewith the hurting things .. and gorey pictures.. and suicidal... if your ever around.. i'd like to talk to you.. not sure i it will help ... but maybe..
    i would like to get to know you..
    take care, and keep your head up
  5. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...it is amazing that you are as intact as you seem considering all you went through...any one of those traumatic events would have sent some ppl over the edge...it seems quite logical that you would take away from these events feelings of isolation and issues of self-worth...but please know that none of these events were about your worth...they were terrible things happening to a young person...please continue to tell us how you are and yes, it is a great idea for you to meet ppl here...please PM me if I can support you in any way...big hugs, J
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