...Help!?!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by frizziidizzle, Nov 21, 2008.

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  1. Not sure where I should post this. I have a few things to say.

    You know who you are, I don't hate you and never have so do me a favor and stop acting, pretending, thinking and putting across as though I do because it hurts me more than you probably know.

    You said in your last post a certain person is probably happy now, and you still feel for him, well you should know he is far from happy.

    I'm not sure I am meant to be here either myself, look what I've driven us too as friends, everybody has a reason to hate me. I don't write poems about how I feel or long messeges. I just sit here wondering how or what I could do to make things better.

    I AM NUTS, MY HEAD IS A MESS AND NO-ONE UNDERSTANDS, I FEEL SO ALONE. TONIE, I CRIED TO ELLIOT I WANTED YOU BACK :cry: I FEEL NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME AND EVERYONE IS JUST PROGRAMMED TO THE RESPONSES THEY GIVE ME. I DON'T KNOW WHO MEANS IT AND WHO IS JUST TRYING TO BE KIND. I WENT AWAY FOR THE WEEKEND, I NEVER BEEN NOT DEPRESSED FOR A WHOLE WEEKEND FOR A LONG LONG TIME, SOON AS A CAME BACK CUTTING STARTED AGAIN AND SUICIDAL THOUGHTS. I FEEL THERE IS A BIG BALL OF EVERY NEGATIVE EMOTION THERE IS INSIDE MY HEAD AND STOMACH THAT NEEDS TO GET OUT BUT I DONT KNOW HOW, WORDS AND PAIN DON'T SEEM TO WORK.

    I WISH I COULD JUST BE DEAD, I AM A COWARD.

    USELESS, WORTHLESS, SELFISH, UN-NEEDED/WANTED, COLD BITCH.

    I WISH THERE WAS SOME AMAZING MIRICLE OF WORDS I COULD SAY THAT CAN MAKE MY HEART FELT BY OTHERS BUT I UNDERSTAND THERE ISN'T, NOTHING WORKS. I GIVE UP ON TRYING, IM JUST GONNA SIT AWAY FOREVER.
     
  2. Rockster

    Rockster Guest

    Lou you know most of that is bull, ye i am not happy but that isnt because of one person, i smiled for the first time in ages last weekend, but you are needed and your not a coward, useless, worthless or anything like that
     
  3. Yes because I would write a load of bull? I'm too lazy.

    You should know that, and you should also know it is true.
     
  4. Rockster

    Rockster Guest

    i know for a fact it isnt true, you are wanted and needed by so many people... Why is this happening all over again
     
  5. I don't mean to be a bitch.. I guess I don't try really if I think about it, but I hate fakeness and if I tried to be happy then I would definatly be fake :huh:

    I know I am cruel and horrible to almost everyone, I don't know why I am and I wish I wasn't. Hurting other people hurts me too :sad:

    I guess I do it to feed my depression. Things are getting worse, even though I really did think it was impossible to.

    I have ruined a couple of very close friends and I am so confused, I am trying hard with them, but they are putting nothing back to show me they want to be friends again. Should I step away, Tonie do you still want me around?

    I know this is stupid, but this life is killing me, I feel like I am in some competition as to who feels worse, but this is me and I need the help. Despiratly.

    The community psychiatric team said, oh there is nothing wrong with you, you are just depressed, I told them everything, things I no-one on this earth knows. Things that are serious that could be illegal and they turned a blind eye. I think that is what threw me over the edge (no pun intended). I realise now, and I I don't feel relieved I realised, "same shit, different day" isn't really appropriate, do you feel the same as yesterday?

    Anyways I am writing to myself as I am sure no-one will care. I guess I've talked to myself all along, what difference would it make now except now I understand. I am no-one, just a pathetic person.
     
  6. Rockster

    Rockster Guest

    You know i care and we both know last weekend wasnt fake, that it was true, im here to help you but i cant do with being pushed away every single night
     
  7. Starlite

    Starlite Senior Member

    Lou,

    when you learn to stop being so hard on yourself, others can treat you the way you want to be treated. In saying this, i don't mean people don't care about you, they do. But in order for you to feel better, you have to break down those barrier walls somehow and let people in without feeling defensive. I care about you , but don't feel like you want me to or question every thing i say to you. I wish you could find peace within yourself or something that makes you want to hold on and not be that "fake" person you think you are. sometimes stepping back and taking a long look at yourself is what is the case. You teach people how to treat you is what i was always taught. Unfortunately most ppl i taught to not like me for who i am. You Lou, are who you are, you are kind, and you are considerate, you just need to stop being so hard on yourself and LET other people try without second guessing if they have a motive behind it or not.

    :hug:
     
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