hi, I am just writing because I dont really know what else to do. I have been at college for a little over a year and am having a really hard time. Last year I as diagnosed with generalized anxiety and have been taking medicine for it ever since. Every time I take my medicine I always contemplate just dumping the whole bottle of pills into my mouth and I am afraid pretty soon I will actually do it. Its not that I am afraid to die, what is holding me back is the possibility of not dying if I were to do it. If I were to do it and live, I would be so embarrassed and feel like I embarrassed my friends or family. I have started cutting recently and each day the cuts get a little deeper and bloody. I feel like me being so sad is such a burden to my family and friends who get annoyed so I think it is just easier to put an end to everything. Anyways, thanks for listening, it is much appreciated.
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Do you have a therapist or counsellor that you see or can see? When we are suffering like this, we tend to keep it so well hidden from others that could possibly help us. But bottling it up only adds to the feelings of dread and the suicidal thoughts. Then like you feel, the day might come that you do empty that whole bottle. So please talk to someone, even call a crisis line. They can point you in the direction of resources like support groups, or therapists etc. You might also want to tell your doctor that the meds arent helping with the suicidal thoughts and feelings. And keep posting here. It is atleast one place where you dont have to feel like you are disappointing anyone. So many memebrs are feeling just like you are right now. Please dont think your feelings arent important enough to talk about. They are so please keep posting.
I would investigate, with the help of a professional, the possibility that your situation is exacerbated by the medication you are taking. We can all of us react to medication in ways that are unique to us.
I became a completely different person in ways I cannot comprehend when I was on a certain combination of pain killers/muscle relaxants for an injured back a year ago.
A lot of the times medication like that is prescribed by the doctor on a wait and see basis. If it doesn't work for you they'll take you off of it and try something different or try a different dosage. Personally I think some doctors can not only be a little lazy in the follow-up on these sort of things but also in the initial stage of finding the right medications for you.
Funnel your frustration into some positive determination to work in a productive manner with your doctor on finding a better situation if it is possible.
Just as a general note, college can be really hard. I remember it and I feel for you.
I became a completely different person in ways I cannot comprehend when I was on a certain combination of pain killers/muscle relaxants for an injured back a year ago.
A lot of the times medication like that is prescribed by the doctor on a wait and see basis. If it doesn't work for you they'll take you off of it and try something different or try a different dosage. Personally I think some doctors can not only be a little lazy in the follow-up on these sort of things but also in the initial stage of finding the right medications for you.
Funnel your frustration into some positive determination to work in a productive manner with your doctor on finding a better situation if it is possible.
Just as a general note, college can be really hard. I remember it and I feel for you.
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