I need help. I cannot go to the hospital as it would look horrible in the community. I have been so stressed/depressed/sad for a long time now and I can tell it is affecting my physical health. I am drinking to self-medicate I think as my effexor isn't cutting it anymore after 6 years. I'm married to a controlling jerk. It's my second marriage and I don't want to fail again so I stick with it. His ex wife is awful to me. He has money, but only finds me attractive if I dress like a slut for him. :-( He wants me to be a prostitute to earn more money. Isn't that sad??? He has hit me only once (broke my nose), but his form of abuse is verbal, definitely. He made me quit my job as a teacher, but threatens to throw me and my three kids on the street all the time. I could go on and on. Point is....I think suicide is the way to go. I've finally figured out my method. I can start the car in the garage with it closed. I think that is pretty fool-proof. I love my kids, but I honestly think they will be better off without me. I'm a loser. I don't even know why I'm posting this. I'm so sad.