Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Kalashnikov, Dec 27, 2009.

  1. Kalashnikov

    Kalashnikov New Member

    i am sorry about my english, i am from sweden

    I just stumbled over this forum and I am still a little confused, don't know where to post etc etc.. so sorry if this thread should be somewhere else.

    well. I have been cutting since the age of 12, am now 18. I have talked to a few therapist over the years but I guess the government doesn't want to pay for it anymore since I have never been properly diagnosed.
    I get a lot of anxiety attacks, especially when I go to bed at night. I often end up harming myself during these attacks. My parents think I have stopped cutting but I have just moved on from arms to thighs because it's easier to hide the scars. I really don't want them to find out, they would be so disappointed in me.
    I have problems with my sexual orientation. I am a lesbian but I feel a little ashamed about, like I am disappointing everyone (especially my parents and relatives). It's not that they are intolerante or anything, it's just that I don't want them to know that I am into pussy (if you excuse my language..)
    A few months ago, I fell in love with my best friend. We ended up having sex a few times but then she dumped me for a stupid guy. I still have very strong feelings for her, can't stop thinking about her. I can't talk to anyone about these feelings because I am ashamed of them.

    right now I really don't feel like living. everything is just shit and everything I do turns into shit. I feel like I wasn't meant to live in this world.

    well, thanks for reading
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Well I'm glad you stumbled across SF. It is a place that you can talk about how you feel and all the confusion and hurt that you are suffering from. I hope that you feel comfortable enough to keep posting. Getting it all out. And giving other members a chance to try and support and help you through this.

    Johanna please dont base your happiness on others. Dont worry about who you may or may not disappoint. You need to be happy with who you are before others can be happy for you. And when you arent it shows and others react to that.

    So please keep posting. And take some time to read other threads and posts. If you find some that you can relate to, private message that person. Maybe you can help one another. There is also a forum about sexual orientation and a social group for lesbian/bisexual I believe. Check them out too. There is so much good and help here. I hope that you find it too.