Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by plates, Mar 18, 2010.
help me why.
whats going on? are you ok? if you want to talk pm me or message me. *hugs*
people are so fucking sick. they are so so sick. a member here fucked with my head last year so much, he hurt me so much, and he did nothing until he was banned. he posted up poems and crap saying he cared and 'loved' me. he created a false identity which was the same as a man i had a relationship with in the past, so i was talking to him as if he was the man i talked to last year. he probably fantasised a lot, as he said he was the person i knew when i was saying sexual things in a diary when i was on edge. he directed me to another MH forum, and it was only after his main IP was banned he started talking to me. he said he was playing a game. he said he thought we were playing a game last year when i was in severe crisis from the messages he was posting. and he didn't even realise how much pain he caused me last year. there was one thing he linked me to, implying i was attention seeking and liked to cause fuss and noise, when i'm suffering extreme agitation and struggling with death. how can people not realise how close to death i've been. how can people live like this?
:hug: I don't even have the words ... but you're right, people can be so sick.
i'm so sorry - dammit i want to punch someone now
some people are blind, some people are idiots, and some people are self-centered smarmy little microbes that should be scraped out of the petry dish with bleach and steel wool before putting the whole thing in the autoclave
(sorry for the rant - touchy subject)
i don't think anyone who is here for a valid reason would do that but it only takes one to cause pain
wish i could find this guy - i know some people (sorry again)
and you know what, when i tried to make it clear how he effected me he had the FUCKING AUDACITY to say i have "an attitude", after writing reels of politically correct bullshit saying "you can't judge me cos you don't know me but if i was with you i'd comfort you". all i wanted, in my life last year was to face a few people and tell them about what they do, what they have done and their behaviour. when i did this to him, because i was struggling with what happened on this forum between us, this is called an 'attitude.' and he was really really shocked, which shows, how little he understands of what i went through.
he fucked with my emotions, my mind, my body and my life. i had a relationship with someone. he left. i thought he was still logging on. so this man said he was that person, even though he knew that chris was real. bear in mind i felt guilty i projected on to him in january but for 12 MONTHS he didn't say a thing, cos he enjoyed playing as chris, enjoyed the attention and love i gave him. but he kept saying "chris isn't real" in messages in the UP which twisted and hurt my mind more.
i cut it off today because i'm feeling the same death the dying because i will never be heard by people like this. people like this do not live in reality. people like this do not understand the extent of suffering people go through who do not sit in front of their fucking computers talking about intellectual things about 'death.'
i get this too. he has multiple IPs so he probably can see everything i'm reading.
playing games with, he actually said i was "mentally fragile" is okay though, isn't it? and i asked why me? because i gave him attention in his troll threads. he also said i was 'generalising' and 'making assumptions' (that's okay though for him to do isn't it? thinking i enjoyed playing this life threatening game with him?)
he was a troll who wanted attention and who directed me to another site. all i found was that i was talking to a VERY emotionally immature man, when i challenged him and real things were coming out...the "you really want me, you're really sexually frustrated" thing again too! i loved that. "a part of you likes me and a part of you hates me. lets be real...how are you really feeling?"
thank you for your post. it's exactly what i needed to hear. it's better to feel like punching and hurting him rather than cutting myself or strangling myself out of agitation and flashbacks.
does anyone take diazepam to calm, start screaming and crying and they can't stop. do they feel like hanging themselves when they think of people like this?
why did he say "listen, you are responsible for your own life period." when i was just telling him how he effected me?
isn't that an easy way out of taking responsiblity for their own shit?
why does EVERYONE i challenge and say how their behaviour has effected me say that same shit.
WHY DO I CARE-TAKE PEOPLE LIKE THIS? is it because they've emotionally manipulated me into feeling concern and love and gratitude for the little words and show of concern they made? is it because all my life love and abuse has been synonymous?
i'll keep talking. he actually said, don't you think about meeeeee? what about meeeee when i put you into hospital,
(and you weren't gonna really die were you cos you always go to A+E so i can do this over and over again, because if you wanted to die, you'd be dead by now, but you keep posting here over and over again)??:?????[/
SOMEONE FUCKING GIVE ME SOME ANSWER AS TO WHAT IS GOING ON IN SOME PEOPLE'S HEADS?
this person has NO CLUE as to what harm he has caused and that i was in crisis 5 FUCKING TIMES last year because of his "role playing"
why did i talk to him? because i was wanting answers. because 3 other people fucked with my head on the net in previous years and i'd been suffering. i got them. there are people in this world i need to stay WELL away from because they live in little fantasies and are not connected to reality.
you care because you are a good person and caring has risks and rewards
you got hurt because these morons have the emotional sensitivity of a cabbage
if their IQs were 2 points higher, they'd be plants (probably poison ivy)
oh but he's one of those sensitive eccentric men....just so so fucking misunderstood :sad: because he doesn't understand how his trollish behaviour harms others
i had that from two other men too. "i'm so sensitive and special and shy and anxious that i stalk you, can't talk to you, but you should be glad that i listened to you, while i fuck with your mind and body over and over again!
my biggest flaw is that i care. i care so much for others health because i know i truly know what it's like to struggle for my life and not lie back and "embrace pain and struggles" i fight for my life against these bastards.
caring is NOT a flaw
it is the hardest thing to do in the way and there are not enough who can do it
the flaw is in these "sensitive" wastes of flesh
please do not let these parasites take that away from you
thank you. love and care is a natural part of who i am, and so many people have made me feel like an emotional ***** for being like this.
yes, parasites exist. fucking hell, i've been with so many all through my life, i don't know much else.
i cannot see a future for myself. i cannot see a future with what these people did to me. it's inside of me and every single day i'm managing it. this is not a life. this is not a life.
sweetie you are chewing yourself up
you need to take a second and catch your breath
is there anything nearby that can help you calm down? music, book, cup of hot chocolate...
i am breathing fine. i'm looking at the past year and i know what my every day life is like. i've done everything i can to relax me. i'm perfectly rational.
you don't have to let this define who you are
this is not something inside you - it is something imposed upon you, done to you
what was done can be undone
i'm not saying it will be easy, but it is possible
i feel like it's inside of me and outside. it doesn't define me, it's killing me.
thank you for talking to me.
i understand - not completely - but to a large extent (remember i said earlier that this is a touchy subject for me)
you CAN overcome this :hug:
keep posting/talking it out, that will help
if you have a counselor, therapist, or something talk to them
what was done to you in a year cannot be undone overnight
that's why you need to use all of your supports and that includes us
PM anytime - if i'm available i will always take the time to talk to you
it's not only him.
there were 3 people before him.
i can't take this anymore. i'm sorry. i've talked yelled shouted so much last year and i'm tired.
thank you for understanding. the level of agitation and death i get in is extreme, tiring and i can't deal with it.
my life means absolutely fucking nothing.